This Is War, China

You know, the lead-based paint on the Dora figures didn't really raise my brow. I found the recall on the "Bumbo" chairs relatively amusing and stupid (babies left in a seat unattended can fall out? Really?). But the latest recall on Chinese-made toys--Aquadots, specifically--has just pissed me off no end.

In case you haven't been paying attention, Aquadots are the absolute coolest fucking toy ever. Yeah, if you're still in the paste-eating stage, that is. If you're an adult, Aquadots are the single most annoying goddamn waste of money and vaccuum cleaner suction ever to grace your kid's toybox. Hundreds--nay, millions--of tiny little plastic beads that make their way into your carpet and never, ever come out. Never. Ever.

And they apparently are finished with a coating that, when swallowed, metabolizes into GHB, a common street drug used for its euphoric effects and, often, to get chicks wasted so losers can get laid. Hence the massive recall.

And they are Bob's absolutest favoritest toy in the whole wide world.

This puts me in a precarious position. Do I:

(a) Do nothing, and hope like hell Bob is smart enough not to eat the Aquadots, that he is smart enough not to feed the dog the Aquadots, that the dog is well-fed enough not to snack on Aquadots, and that Bob loses interest before his sibling is old enough to eat the Aquadots;

(b) Keep them, but give Bob strict instructions not to eat the Aquadots, which will pretty much seal the deal that he will start sprinkling them on his cereal and taking them to school to drop in his friends' milk;

(c) Get rid of them this weekend while he's at db's, and act all surprised and stupid when he gets home and demands to know where they are ("I told you to put your toys away or they'd get lost...")?

I'm thinking (c).

Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go crush some roofies, which I plan to sprinkle into the moon sand I'm buying my sister's kid for Christmas...