"It's good to embrace change."*
16 days. Roughly two weeks until we sign our lives away and that house is ours, all ours. And we have furniture and nice floors and lots of space to put stuff and enough toilets that each of us can shit at the same time and not bother one another in doing so. I can remember when it was more than 50 days from that joyous moment, and how I thought "dear Lord, I don't know if I will make it." And now we're at just over two weeks, and while the time certainly is flying, it could damn sure stand to fly a bit faster.
We've kind of reached that point in our packing where if we pack anything else, we're going to have problems. (We've already sort of run into this already--I baked a cake Sunday only because the muffin/cupcake tins had been packed away already by Ben, who thought surely we would have no use for them prior to September 14.) And that makes me nervous, because when you look around at your very familiar surroundings and don't see anything you can put in a box and not miss for 16 days, you're just not looking hard enough, and on moving day you'll find yourself throwing things in boxes and thinking "goddammit I can't believe I waited til now to pack this shit." So while Bob's away this weekend, I'll be looking very, very carefully at our rooms. Bob's in particular. He doesn't know it yet, but he's making a sizable donation to charity in the near future.
I'm just ready to say sayonara to August and get September underway. Good things are going to happen in September, and I need some good things. Change is good. Real good.
Now I've got some db dilemas I'm hoping someone will be able to shed some light on. The first isn't so much a dilema as an ongoing nuisance. There's a "group parent conference" tomorrow night, sort of a "back to school night revisited," I guess. I'm going. I'm sure db will be there, as well. So how do I handle it when he starts being a prick and trashing me openly and loudly? Secondly, the Indigo Girls concert is on a Wednesday. A fucking Wednesday, when I am now expected to pick up Bob from db at the Winstead's parking lot at 8pm. The concert starts at 7pm. Originally, we had planned to have Bob spend the evening with some friends of ours and pick him up on our way home. Now, that's all fucked up. I could ask those friends if they would pick up Bob from db at the usual place--but the usual place is a pretty good drive and I hate to ask my friends to do that. Not to mention I hate asking my friends to be exposed to db. Not to mention db would likely refuse to turn Bob over to these "strangers" he (db) doesn't know. I could request that db bring Bob to our house, but I know he would refuse and jump up and down yelling about "the court order says exchanges MUST be at Winstead's." I could request his Wednesday be moved to another day, but he would refuse unless I agreed to let him turn his 4 hour visit into an overnight (which I will not do).
So it's starting to look like I'm going to have to find someone else to go to the concert with me so Ben can pick up Bob from db at 8pm at Winstead's, or just try to sell my fucking tickets. I really don't know anyone local who would want to go with me. And the whole point was kind of a night with my husband doing something just for me. Once again, that fucker fucks up everything. Anyway, I've got 14 days to come up with a reasonable solution. Your input is greatly appreciated.
*Mary Louise Parker as Nancy Botwin, from this week's episode of "Weeds"
We've kind of reached that point in our packing where if we pack anything else, we're going to have problems. (We've already sort of run into this already--I baked a cake Sunday only because the muffin/cupcake tins had been packed away already by Ben, who thought surely we would have no use for them prior to September 14.) And that makes me nervous, because when you look around at your very familiar surroundings and don't see anything you can put in a box and not miss for 16 days, you're just not looking hard enough, and on moving day you'll find yourself throwing things in boxes and thinking "goddammit I can't believe I waited til now to pack this shit." So while Bob's away this weekend, I'll be looking very, very carefully at our rooms. Bob's in particular. He doesn't know it yet, but he's making a sizable donation to charity in the near future.
I'm just ready to say sayonara to August and get September underway. Good things are going to happen in September, and I need some good things. Change is good. Real good.
Now I've got some db dilemas I'm hoping someone will be able to shed some light on. The first isn't so much a dilema as an ongoing nuisance. There's a "group parent conference" tomorrow night, sort of a "back to school night revisited," I guess. I'm going. I'm sure db will be there, as well. So how do I handle it when he starts being a prick and trashing me openly and loudly? Secondly, the Indigo Girls concert is on a Wednesday. A fucking Wednesday, when I am now expected to pick up Bob from db at the Winstead's parking lot at 8pm. The concert starts at 7pm. Originally, we had planned to have Bob spend the evening with some friends of ours and pick him up on our way home. Now, that's all fucked up. I could ask those friends if they would pick up Bob from db at the usual place--but the usual place is a pretty good drive and I hate to ask my friends to do that. Not to mention I hate asking my friends to be exposed to db. Not to mention db would likely refuse to turn Bob over to these "strangers" he (db) doesn't know. I could request that db bring Bob to our house, but I know he would refuse and jump up and down yelling about "the court order says exchanges MUST be at Winstead's." I could request his Wednesday be moved to another day, but he would refuse unless I agreed to let him turn his 4 hour visit into an overnight (which I will not do).
So it's starting to look like I'm going to have to find someone else to go to the concert with me so Ben can pick up Bob from db at 8pm at Winstead's, or just try to sell my fucking tickets. I really don't know anyone local who would want to go with me. And the whole point was kind of a night with my husband doing something just for me. Once again, that fucker fucks up everything. Anyway, I've got 14 days to come up with a reasonable solution. Your input is greatly appreciated.
*Mary Louise Parker as Nancy Botwin, from this week's episode of "Weeds"
posted by Mitzi Green at 10:52 AM
2 Comments:
Re: Back to school night: You just let him rant if he rants and say nothing, as you have been doing in the emails. If you respond, he sees he gets to you and will continue to do so whenever possible. I curse my Nanny (paternal grandmother) for teaching me to "be the bigger one". It is more difficult, but in the end, you come out ahead.
Re: Indigo Girls - that so sucks and my ex insists on sticking to the letter of the divorce decree too. There was one point where our exchanges were to happen in Augusta for the every other weekend transfers and the summer vacation transfers; it didn't "specifically" say that the school vacation transfers were to happen in Augusta (which at the time was a 4 hr drive to my parents (from Vermont to Maine) and a 2 hr one-way drive to Augusta), and he said "if you want to see Zak for the school vacation, you can drive up here because the decree doesn't say WHERE we have to make the transfer in Augusta. So, my husband (then fiance) and I drove the 4 hrs to my mom's house (where we spent each weekend visit), then 4 hours to dickfuck's apartment, then 4 hours back to mom's house, then 4 hours back to Vermont, only to turn around at the end of that week to do the same thing all over again. I totally understand your fear of db's "sticking" to the "letter" of the new Order.
If you really wanted you and Ben time, I'd suggest selling tickets on Craig's list or something and then plan a nice dinner out for you and Ben on a Bob-free weekend.
However, if you really want to see the "Girls", then see if Ben would mind picking up Bob and then you can round someone to go to the concert with you.
Re: Bob's upcoming sizable charitable donation. my mom would do that during the summer. She'd ship us off to my gram's 2.5 hours away for a week (her mother's house) and when we came home, our rooms would be spotless. And usually it never dawned on me or my sister that quite a lot of our toys, etc were missing.
Keep your chin up and you're doing a GREAT job. It's reflected in Bob's enjoyment with this new school adventure.
Marcia
So what did you decide re: Indigo Girls?
I hope db behaves for back to school night, but I'm not counting on it and I'm sure you're not either.
I also need to get rid of the kids for a day or two so I can go through their crap. I think I need my husband to go on vacation for a week so I can throw out a bunch of his crap (including his stash of 10 computer keyboards - who in the hell needs 10 keyboards).
Hope the packing is going well.
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