Down
I'm down.
I started to get this feeling the other day like something really bad is going to happen. Not sure where it's coming from, or what it's all about, but I can't seem to shake it.
I've just kind of stepped in a hole. I'm not happy at my job, and I'm worried I may be stuck here (or at least restricted to lateral moves). I'm not happy with our financial situation, but don't see any real way out of it any time soon. I'm not happy with the Bob situation, but again, it is what it is, and it's unlikely to change for the better.
I'm not happy with the fact I'm on the fast boat to 40, either. Not one bit. I was looking at some photos a friend posted on FB the other day, from their 20 year high school reunion (mine is being planned for next spring). I just kept thinking, "damn, these people look old. Surely I don't look that old...do I?" And then I saw a photo my sister posted, of me, and yes, Virginia, I did look "that old."
Jesus wept.
When did that happen? When did I become the age my parents were when I became a licensed driver? When did I stop being one of the cool people and start being someone's mom?
My darling husband doesn't get it, but he just turned 30 last fall. He's still part of that group on the edge, the ones who are old enough to enjoy some of the perks of adulthood but still young enough to be considered an important marketing demographic. He doesn't understand the significance of six years because it doesn't apply to him yet. He doesn't understand how close he came to losing his testicles the other day when he told me not to worry, those lifeguards at the pool "were at least half your age, they weren't checking you out." (Said testicles were only saved by the fact he spoke the truth--at 18, they would have been half my age, and most likely were not checking me out, but probably wondering why old chicks insist on wearing 2-piece swimsuits in public.)
The upside to this is the realization I'm finally old enough to be considered for jobs I always felt I was too young to be considered for, such as the supervisory position I applied for yesterday. This is but one edge of the double-edged sword, however. Yes, I'm old enough to be considered for positions of authority; but am I too old? Meaning, have I spent so many years stuck in the same non-thinking positions, have so many years lapsed since the ink dried on my college degree, that I've become outdated? Am I beta max in a Blu Ray world? (I don't even know what "blu ray" is. Which may answer that question.)
I feel like I'm running out of time. Before I know it, Bob will grow up (or, heaven forbid, won't) and will assume responsibility (or not) for his own future, regardless of what I am able to achieve with him. Moosetoddler will become Moosekid and Mooseadult with or without my permission. And I will eventually reach the age of retirement whether or not I've attained financial stability or the goal of fulfilling, stable employment.
That's a sobering prospect, isn't it?
I started to get this feeling the other day like something really bad is going to happen. Not sure where it's coming from, or what it's all about, but I can't seem to shake it.
I've just kind of stepped in a hole. I'm not happy at my job, and I'm worried I may be stuck here (or at least restricted to lateral moves). I'm not happy with our financial situation, but don't see any real way out of it any time soon. I'm not happy with the Bob situation, but again, it is what it is, and it's unlikely to change for the better.
I'm not happy with the fact I'm on the fast boat to 40, either. Not one bit. I was looking at some photos a friend posted on FB the other day, from their 20 year high school reunion (mine is being planned for next spring). I just kept thinking, "damn, these people look old. Surely I don't look that old...do I?" And then I saw a photo my sister posted, of me, and yes, Virginia, I did look "that old."
Jesus wept.
When did that happen? When did I become the age my parents were when I became a licensed driver? When did I stop being one of the cool people and start being someone's mom?
My darling husband doesn't get it, but he just turned 30 last fall. He's still part of that group on the edge, the ones who are old enough to enjoy some of the perks of adulthood but still young enough to be considered an important marketing demographic. He doesn't understand the significance of six years because it doesn't apply to him yet. He doesn't understand how close he came to losing his testicles the other day when he told me not to worry, those lifeguards at the pool "were at least half your age, they weren't checking you out." (Said testicles were only saved by the fact he spoke the truth--at 18, they would have been half my age, and most likely were not checking me out, but probably wondering why old chicks insist on wearing 2-piece swimsuits in public.)
The upside to this is the realization I'm finally old enough to be considered for jobs I always felt I was too young to be considered for, such as the supervisory position I applied for yesterday. This is but one edge of the double-edged sword, however. Yes, I'm old enough to be considered for positions of authority; but am I too old? Meaning, have I spent so many years stuck in the same non-thinking positions, have so many years lapsed since the ink dried on my college degree, that I've become outdated? Am I beta max in a Blu Ray world? (I don't even know what "blu ray" is. Which may answer that question.)
I feel like I'm running out of time. Before I know it, Bob will grow up (or, heaven forbid, won't) and will assume responsibility (or not) for his own future, regardless of what I am able to achieve with him. Moosetoddler will become Moosekid and Mooseadult with or without my permission. And I will eventually reach the age of retirement whether or not I've attained financial stability or the goal of fulfilling, stable employment.
That's a sobering prospect, isn't it?
posted by Mitzi Green at 7:36 AM
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