Fashion Victim
Dressing myself has always been...difficult. I have very distinct likes and dislikes in terms of color, pattern, fabric, etc. Most of my likes and dislikes have historically been at odds with whatever trends are "in" at any given moment. Throw in my sensory issues--problems with socks, seams, pant leg width, inability to tolerate a turtle neck, etc.--and being vertically and torso challenged, and you might be surprised I ever manage to get out of the house wearing any clothes.
I find the problem compounds itself in the summer. I live in a part of the country that was settled only by way of government bribery--we're not known for our "mild" winters or "temperate" summers. When summer finally gets here, it's balls hot. And despite frigid air conditioning, I just feel kind of stupid wandering about in long wool or synthetic pants.
You see where this is going. At least one direction, anyway. That's right--capris. Or "pedal pushers" or "crop pants" or whatever you want to call them. I call them a travesty, but admit that, done properly, capris can actually look...good. But having had it crammed down my throat that short women shouldn't wear them (ever), I always feel slightly ridiculous when I do, so I've tried to stick with pants that hit me just at the ankle. Which may even look sillier. I don't know. Please don't tell me.
Yet another trend that's bugging the shit out of me this summer--the "maxi" dress. For starters, I take issue with wearing anything called "maxi," because it makes me think of feminine hygiene products. I don't want to wear anything that makes me think of feminine hygiene products. And did I mention I'm short? I haven't tried on any of these long-ass dresses (that sounds better than "maxi," don't you agree?) but I'm pretty sure I'd look like a little girl playing princess more than anything. And that's just not sexy.
No, I prefer to stick with skirts. Luckily, I have several in my closet. Unluckily, most of them are in some weird color or pattern that requires a very specific pairing up top--which pairing I either owned and wore out, or I never owned because the skirt was a clearance rack purchase I shouldn't have made in the first place. Many of these skirts are also either in or close to the "too big" category now that I've dropped a few sizes. The skirts in my closet that fit are from the last time I was slender, which coincidentally was also the last time I was kind of slutty, so they're pretty short, and in direct violation of that "NO Miniskirts After Age 35!" rule. But then I think, yes, I'm over 35, but I'm short, and therefore supposed to wear shorter skirts, so does this rule apply? And the truth is I honest-to-God don't know anymore.
I also don't understand this whole "smocked" or "blousy" look the younger gals are into right now. It seems like every top I see is either gathered at the bottom, so as to make it poufy and undefined, or has an empire waist. That's great and everything, but I wore the hell out of the empire waist all last year, thanks. When I was pregnant. I'm not pregnant anymore, and I've worked my ass off (quite literally) and would like to show off the fact I now HAVE a waist. Where do I go short of Sluts-R-Us to find tops that don't make me look like I'm working on Number 3?
There's probably a 12-step program out there for people like me, isn't there?
I find the problem compounds itself in the summer. I live in a part of the country that was settled only by way of government bribery--we're not known for our "mild" winters or "temperate" summers. When summer finally gets here, it's balls hot. And despite frigid air conditioning, I just feel kind of stupid wandering about in long wool or synthetic pants.
You see where this is going. At least one direction, anyway. That's right--capris. Or "pedal pushers" or "crop pants" or whatever you want to call them. I call them a travesty, but admit that, done properly, capris can actually look...good. But having had it crammed down my throat that short women shouldn't wear them (ever), I always feel slightly ridiculous when I do, so I've tried to stick with pants that hit me just at the ankle. Which may even look sillier. I don't know. Please don't tell me.
Yet another trend that's bugging the shit out of me this summer--the "maxi" dress. For starters, I take issue with wearing anything called "maxi," because it makes me think of feminine hygiene products. I don't want to wear anything that makes me think of feminine hygiene products. And did I mention I'm short? I haven't tried on any of these long-ass dresses (that sounds better than "maxi," don't you agree?) but I'm pretty sure I'd look like a little girl playing princess more than anything. And that's just not sexy.
No, I prefer to stick with skirts. Luckily, I have several in my closet. Unluckily, most of them are in some weird color or pattern that requires a very specific pairing up top--which pairing I either owned and wore out, or I never owned because the skirt was a clearance rack purchase I shouldn't have made in the first place. Many of these skirts are also either in or close to the "too big" category now that I've dropped a few sizes. The skirts in my closet that fit are from the last time I was slender, which coincidentally was also the last time I was kind of slutty, so they're pretty short, and in direct violation of that "NO Miniskirts After Age 35!" rule. But then I think, yes, I'm over 35, but I'm short, and therefore supposed to wear shorter skirts, so does this rule apply? And the truth is I honest-to-God don't know anymore.
I also don't understand this whole "smocked" or "blousy" look the younger gals are into right now. It seems like every top I see is either gathered at the bottom, so as to make it poufy and undefined, or has an empire waist. That's great and everything, but I wore the hell out of the empire waist all last year, thanks. When I was pregnant. I'm not pregnant anymore, and I've worked my ass off (quite literally) and would like to show off the fact I now HAVE a waist. Where do I go short of Sluts-R-Us to find tops that don't make me look like I'm working on Number 3?
There's probably a 12-step program out there for people like me, isn't there?
posted by Mitzi Green at 11:26 AM
1 Comments:
I live in sweatpants and tee shirts so I can't help you. I never was a fashion maven. Jeans and tees were what I wore most of my life. Even to work since I worked for trucking companies mostly. Early in my work life I did wear heels, skirts, dresses...I own none of those now. I don't think they would be very comfortable anymore.
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