Three Cheers for the Red White and Blue Steel

In Memoriam

Happy Frickin' Fourth of July.

Forgive me for not being my usually festive self. I'm still seething over The Beast's abduction yesterday.

My boys did something amazing for me last night. I guess they weren't looking forward to watching me mope around the house and kick things for the next several days, so they went out and bought me a new bike.

It's a cruiser, but it's new and Modern (and aluminum--so it weighs about 5 pounds compared to The Beast's hulking 50 pound frame). It doesn't have gears or coaster brakes, but it doesn't have fenders either. It's shorter than The Beast, and therefore easier for me to ride, but it doesn't clatter and clang when it rolls over a bump. It has a kickstand and white wall tires, but it doesn't have The Beast's jaunty red striping.

Still, it was a bike. And considering I rode The Beast almost daily, I wasn't looking forward to going even a few days without wheels. I walked around it with a look of cool skepticism last night as it stood in my living room.

"Don't worry," my husband said. "I can dork it up for you. We'll get you a basket, maybe some old school vinyl handle grips with streamers. You can even put a clothespin and a playing card on the back wheel."

I finally heaved a heavy sigh and said "okay. Take all the tags and crap off and I'll see if I can't grow to like it."

By the time I had gone to Wendy's for my dinner and returned home, Ben had removed all the tags, tightened all the screws and bolts, and had even removed the gaudy decals from the frame. (The biggest decal read "NEXT," which I felt not only looked silly, but also seemed too much like an invitation for fuckwad bike thief to take this one, too--as in "here's my NEXT bike you can steal.")

I took it out for a spin today. It does ride nice, and the seat is admittedly more comfortable than The Beast's. Because of its ridiculous chrome-y blue color, I've dubbed it "Blue Steel" (a'la Zoolander), and although it will never replace The Beast, I admit--it's growing on me.