Die, Motherfucker, Die
Dear Fucking Useless Piece of Shit Who Stole My Bike:
I have to say, your balls must be of considerable heft to enable you to walk into my front fucking yard in the middle of a Tuesday afternoon and make off with my fucking bike.
What pisses me off the most is that my bike isn't worth the metal it's made of. It's an ancient, 20+ year old beach cruiser. It has rust. It has coaster brakes. It's of absolutely no use to anyone but me. You didn't walk past my house, see my bike, and think, "dude, I could roll that for some serious green." No, you more likely than not walked past my house, saw my bike, and laughed. Then you probably thought, "dude, I could totally just take that to show the world how incredibly fucking cool I am because I can steal."
I hope you take pride in the fact that you're nothing more than a pathetic piece of shit loser bicycle thief. Way to go. Oh, and the fact you took my already shitty day and ruined it even more. Good job, douchebag.
Fuck you.
For "The Beast"--I'll Always Love You.
And if I ever find the motherfucker who stole you, I'll kick his ass.
I have to say, your balls must be of considerable heft to enable you to walk into my front fucking yard in the middle of a Tuesday afternoon and make off with my fucking bike.
What pisses me off the most is that my bike isn't worth the metal it's made of. It's an ancient, 20+ year old beach cruiser. It has rust. It has coaster brakes. It's of absolutely no use to anyone but me. You didn't walk past my house, see my bike, and think, "dude, I could roll that for some serious green." No, you more likely than not walked past my house, saw my bike, and laughed. Then you probably thought, "dude, I could totally just take that to show the world how incredibly fucking cool I am because I can steal."
I hope you take pride in the fact that you're nothing more than a pathetic piece of shit loser bicycle thief. Way to go. Oh, and the fact you took my already shitty day and ruined it even more. Good job, douchebag.
Fuck you.
For "The Beast"--I'll Always Love You.
And if I ever find the motherfucker who stole you, I'll kick his ass.
posted by Mitzi Green at 4:01 PM
2 Comments:
I'm sorry. Some POS walked right up the other night and stole our surveillance camera. We watched! After the fact. I know exactly how you feel. Ballsy, I know. I'm sorry. Lori
thanks. (sigh) now i know how pee wee felt. at least i know there's no basement in the alamo.
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