Forgive Me, I'm Human
I have emotions. I have feelings. I get angry. I get upset. And there's a definite limit to my tolerance for bullshit.
Ever since the day I filed the petition for custody back in July of 2005--hell, since the day I became pregnant, for that matter, but moreso since the courts got involved in our lives--I've had to adopt this Madonna persona (not slutty Madonna, holy Madonna). If I get upset, I may have emotional problems. If I get angry, I may have anger management issues and a tendency toward violence. If I act out of what I, as a parent, feel is in my child's best interest, I may be argumentative or vindictive.
So I speak with a soft, even tone. I keep my gaze neutral and my focus on the back wall. I smile, but not too broadly. My brow may furrow, but it's barely noticeable. I am polite. I am reserved. I am in complete control.
I am one hell of an actress. But even I have to break character once in a while.
Today, the DFS worker called me asking for "character references" who could speak to my "parenting skills." I was silent for a minute, then I asked her, "am I under investigation?" Oh, heavens, no. It's just procedure.
Yeah. Well, forgive me for saying so, but your procedure sucks. Twice now I've had to hotline either db or someone closely associated with db, and both times, who has been the party under the microscope? Me and my husband. It seems like I've been assigned the unenviable task of proving db is dangerous and crazy; yet he's never been expected to prove that he isn't.
Which brings me to my other reason for being pissed off--the GAL filed her motion yesterday, and the Judge signed the order. So db's visitation has been reduced to an hour a week, supervised by the county, until further notice from the State pending their investigation. While I'm very, very pleased by this ruling, my question remains--why did someone have to be physicially hurt in order for someone to listen to me?
I'm also, I admit, somewhat discouraged over the prospect of being responsible for Bob full-time once again. With his mood swings and his rages and his irritability and his instability, being Bob's parent is exhausting. As much as I hated sending him to db's for 5 days every other week, I have to say I looked forward to having that time to recharge. Now I won't have to worry about what Bob is hearing or seeing or experiencing when he's away from me, but I won't have that time to regroup. Yes, I know, many parents who don't have to split time with their kid(s) with an ex have to deal with their children full-time and they manage. I might remind them, though, that most children aren't as...challenging as Bob. (Not that I'm trying to make myself out to be some sort of Saint Mitzi, just stating a fact. My mother has often pointed out that she had four kids and no ex to ship them off to every week. She fails to recall that she had me to handle a good deal of the parental duties, and that none of us went into destructive rages over something like brushing our teeth.)
Anyhoo...I have not heard from db since Wednesday. I don't know if he's found out about his visitation being yanked or not. It's been nice to have a reprieve from his constant hounding. I'm sure, however, that this is just the calm before the shitstorm.
(Speaking of shitstorms, my condolences to all y'all out east. I pity your snow-covered asses.)
Ever since the day I filed the petition for custody back in July of 2005--hell, since the day I became pregnant, for that matter, but moreso since the courts got involved in our lives--I've had to adopt this Madonna persona (not slutty Madonna, holy Madonna). If I get upset, I may have emotional problems. If I get angry, I may have anger management issues and a tendency toward violence. If I act out of what I, as a parent, feel is in my child's best interest, I may be argumentative or vindictive.
So I speak with a soft, even tone. I keep my gaze neutral and my focus on the back wall. I smile, but not too broadly. My brow may furrow, but it's barely noticeable. I am polite. I am reserved. I am in complete control.
I am one hell of an actress. But even I have to break character once in a while.
Today, the DFS worker called me asking for "character references" who could speak to my "parenting skills." I was silent for a minute, then I asked her, "am I under investigation?" Oh, heavens, no. It's just procedure.
Yeah. Well, forgive me for saying so, but your procedure sucks. Twice now I've had to hotline either db or someone closely associated with db, and both times, who has been the party under the microscope? Me and my husband. It seems like I've been assigned the unenviable task of proving db is dangerous and crazy; yet he's never been expected to prove that he isn't.
Which brings me to my other reason for being pissed off--the GAL filed her motion yesterday, and the Judge signed the order. So db's visitation has been reduced to an hour a week, supervised by the county, until further notice from the State pending their investigation. While I'm very, very pleased by this ruling, my question remains--why did someone have to be physicially hurt in order for someone to listen to me?
I'm also, I admit, somewhat discouraged over the prospect of being responsible for Bob full-time once again. With his mood swings and his rages and his irritability and his instability, being Bob's parent is exhausting. As much as I hated sending him to db's for 5 days every other week, I have to say I looked forward to having that time to recharge. Now I won't have to worry about what Bob is hearing or seeing or experiencing when he's away from me, but I won't have that time to regroup. Yes, I know, many parents who don't have to split time with their kid(s) with an ex have to deal with their children full-time and they manage. I might remind them, though, that most children aren't as...challenging as Bob. (Not that I'm trying to make myself out to be some sort of Saint Mitzi, just stating a fact. My mother has often pointed out that she had four kids and no ex to ship them off to every week. She fails to recall that she had me to handle a good deal of the parental duties, and that none of us went into destructive rages over something like brushing our teeth.)
Anyhoo...I have not heard from db since Wednesday. I don't know if he's found out about his visitation being yanked or not. It's been nice to have a reprieve from his constant hounding. I'm sure, however, that this is just the calm before the shitstorm.
(Speaking of shitstorms, my condolences to all y'all out east. I pity your snow-covered asses.)
posted by Mitzi Green at 9:03 AM
2 Comments:
What is the deal with that? Why is the mother the one under the magnifying glass? Why not the dipshit that caused all of the problems in the first place?
Unending sympathies here, MG.
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