Jump Around
Last summer, Bob went to a birthday party where the goody bags included a jump rope. Given his complete lack of coordination, he's used the jump rope primarily for hog-tying his stuffed animals (and occasionally himself, until I caught him in the act and told him to stop before he strangled his own silly ass). I recently dug the jump rope out of his toy box and started intermittently jumping rope in the house in my effort to cram as much cardio as possible into a day. Given Bob inherited his complete lack of coordination from yours truly, this often leads to physical comedy.
I promised Bob that this summer I'd teach him to double-dutch. Yeah, right. I'm a klutzy white girl from Missouri. I can no more double dutch than I can lay down a dope flow.
Anyway, I can't jump rope for very long. Partially because of my bad knees and ankles, partly because the rope is for kids and therefore (shockingly!) a little too short for me, but mostly because the act of jumping up and down causes the spare tire to bounce up and down in a most unflattering and uncomfortable way. Kind of like jogging, only worse. If I didn't have stretch marks before, I will surely develop them if I jump rope for more than 30 seconds at a time.
Bob had his fourth Super Good Day at school in a row yesterday. I think this is unprecedented. He's had decent streaks before, but they were always "pretty good" or "okay" days with a sprinkling of "rough" days and some "downright shitty" days. FOUR GREAT DAYS IN A ROW. Unreal. I'm thrilled but afraid to do the victory dance too soon for fear of jinxing it. Like I told Ben last night--I wish I could just relax and enjoy it, but I can't.
And last night, I told him, "you've gone potty, you've had plenty to drink, you've got your animals, you've had your story, you're all set, there's absolutely no need for you to get out of bed, so you stay put and go to sleep." And by God, he did. If he got up at all, I didn't hear him. And by the time I was finished kicking my ass with my step aerobics DVD, he was asleep.
Which just gives me better reason to hate db.
Speaking of douchebags, his most recent emails have reached a fever pitch of desperation.
On Monday:
4:10pm--Since (Teacher) will not speak to me or give me any information at all about Bob I would like to get some information about Bob's daycare progress from you. 1) How is Bob doing at daycare? 2) What does Bob do at daycare? 3) Are there any progress reports from daycare? 4) How many days has Bob been sent home early from daycare? 5) What are the dates and times he was sent home early from daycare? 6) What were the reasons he was sent home early from daycare? 7) Where did he go when he was sent home early from daycare? 8) Who did he stay with when he was sent home early from daycare?
4:32pm--Why was I not notified when he was sent home early?
4:36pm--How are you and Bob doing with the special play time at home? Does your husband also get involved?
4:45pm--What kind of activities do you do with Bob?
4:49pm--Why will you not give me the court ordered phone with Bob?
4:51pm--Can you be more descriptive? Also how does he do when you go from one activity to another? Does he pick the activity or do you?
4:54pm--No I am not, you call whenever you like. The court order states every other evening at 7:00 pm, and if you cannot make the phone call you must send me an email for the reason I do not get phone contact and must call the next evening.
At this point, I sent him the following message: You have now sent me three separate emails in the course of an hour. I'm working. Please limit your emails to those that are necessary and pertinent.
Idiot.
Tuesday:
3:57pm--I would like to know what you want? It is obvious that you don't want me to have any decision making power at all and you will not communicate with me on anything related to Bob. Would you like me to just step down as Bob's father and let you do what you will? I am so tired of playing the games and fighting over every point with you. Tell me what you want?
I didn't respond at all to this one, although I had to fight the urge to forward it to My Fearless Lawyer along with the message, "DRAFT THE TPR!!!"
Does he not understand how painfully obvious it is that he just can't get through a day without thinking, "how can I fuck with her today?"
All right--I have an assload to do and only a couple more days to get it done, so I should probably get my nose to the grindstone.
I promised Bob that this summer I'd teach him to double-dutch. Yeah, right. I'm a klutzy white girl from Missouri. I can no more double dutch than I can lay down a dope flow.
Anyway, I can't jump rope for very long. Partially because of my bad knees and ankles, partly because the rope is for kids and therefore (shockingly!) a little too short for me, but mostly because the act of jumping up and down causes the spare tire to bounce up and down in a most unflattering and uncomfortable way. Kind of like jogging, only worse. If I didn't have stretch marks before, I will surely develop them if I jump rope for more than 30 seconds at a time.
Bob had his fourth Super Good Day at school in a row yesterday. I think this is unprecedented. He's had decent streaks before, but they were always "pretty good" or "okay" days with a sprinkling of "rough" days and some "downright shitty" days. FOUR GREAT DAYS IN A ROW. Unreal. I'm thrilled but afraid to do the victory dance too soon for fear of jinxing it. Like I told Ben last night--I wish I could just relax and enjoy it, but I can't.
And last night, I told him, "you've gone potty, you've had plenty to drink, you've got your animals, you've had your story, you're all set, there's absolutely no need for you to get out of bed, so you stay put and go to sleep." And by God, he did. If he got up at all, I didn't hear him. And by the time I was finished kicking my ass with my step aerobics DVD, he was asleep.
Which just gives me better reason to hate db.
Speaking of douchebags, his most recent emails have reached a fever pitch of desperation.
On Monday:
4:10pm--Since (Teacher) will not speak to me or give me any information at all about Bob I would like to get some information about Bob's daycare progress from you. 1) How is Bob doing at daycare? 2) What does Bob do at daycare? 3) Are there any progress reports from daycare? 4) How many days has Bob been sent home early from daycare? 5) What are the dates and times he was sent home early from daycare? 6) What were the reasons he was sent home early from daycare? 7) Where did he go when he was sent home early from daycare? 8) Who did he stay with when he was sent home early from daycare?
4:32pm--Why was I not notified when he was sent home early?
4:36pm--How are you and Bob doing with the special play time at home? Does your husband also get involved?
4:45pm--What kind of activities do you do with Bob?
4:49pm--Why will you not give me the court ordered phone with Bob?
4:51pm--Can you be more descriptive? Also how does he do when you go from one activity to another? Does he pick the activity or do you?
4:54pm--No I am not, you call whenever you like. The court order states every other evening at 7:00 pm, and if you cannot make the phone call you must send me an email for the reason I do not get phone contact and must call the next evening.
At this point, I sent him the following message: You have now sent me three separate emails in the course of an hour. I'm working. Please limit your emails to those that are necessary and pertinent.
Idiot.
Tuesday:
3:57pm--I would like to know what you want? It is obvious that you don't want me to have any decision making power at all and you will not communicate with me on anything related to Bob. Would you like me to just step down as Bob's father and let you do what you will? I am so tired of playing the games and fighting over every point with you. Tell me what you want?
I didn't respond at all to this one, although I had to fight the urge to forward it to My Fearless Lawyer along with the message, "DRAFT THE TPR!!!"
Does he not understand how painfully obvious it is that he just can't get through a day without thinking, "how can I fuck with her today?"
All right--I have an assload to do and only a couple more days to get it done, so I should probably get my nose to the grindstone.
posted by Mitzi Green at 9:23 AM
1 Comments:
LMAO over the jumprope...I've had that visual all afternoon now. Thanks, I snorted soda up my nose.
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