Shut the Fuck Up
Every so often I feel the need to throw out a general "STFU." Today is one such occasion.
I stirred up some serious web shit today. And for once, it was completely unintentional. I occasionally post on a web board consisting of women who met on another web board a few years ago. Today I invited them to bitch about their husbands or significant others, because I had a few minor irritations I wanted to get off my chest. Hell, I even prefaced my complaints with "he is a wonderful person and a wonderful husband and I love him without reservation." A few others readily joined in, and I'm sure they, too, love their spouses and just wanted to vent some petty frustrations. Let's face it--if you spend enough time with another person, they're going to eventually do something that makes you want to slap them.
Well, one of the boardees got married this summer--to a career military. Currently serving his second tour in Iraq. I knew what she was going to say even before she said it. What I didn't expect was that someone would finally call her on it.
The caller-outer said what many of us have been thinking for a long time. We get it. We understand your husband is out there and it sucks. You're right, most of us don't know what you're going through.
But everyone's got problems.
There are women on the board who have been trying--unsuccessfully--to conceive, and they don't flip out every time someone else on the board announces a pregnancy. There are women who are single, and they don't accuse those of us who are married of being ingrates for pointing out when our spouses leave their socks on the floor (again). There are women (like myself) who feel a nice sharp stab whenever someone else posts about their great kid's accolades from school, but I don't blast them for it. And though I admit to reading posts about $500 purses and thinking "must be nice," I would never go on line just to jump someone's ass for flaunting her money. And if I did, I would know deep down that the problem wasn't the money-flaunter or the great-kid-haver or the happily married--I would know that the problem was really with me, and my own unhappiness and disappointment in my situation. And that other people shutting the fuck up wouldn't do a damn thing to make anything better.
So maybe we all need to shut the fuck up and understand that everyone's life is different, and even the people who look like they have it all may really not. The people who claim to be ridiculously happy may truly be--or they may just be ashamed of how completely miserable they are in spite of the things they have. Money doesn't buy a good marriage. A good marriage doesn't pay the gas bill. We love our children, but sometimes they really piss us off. It's nice to have extended family, unless they make you want to kill yourself.
But keep everything bottled up so you don't offend anyone? Ludicrous. We tried that in the 50s, remember? Look where that got us--hooked on Valium and crazy. No, thanks.
So if someone starts pissing and moaning about something that's bugging them--unless it's a bad habit they have that needs addressing--shut the fuck up and just let them piss and moan. That's what friends do.
I stirred up some serious web shit today. And for once, it was completely unintentional. I occasionally post on a web board consisting of women who met on another web board a few years ago. Today I invited them to bitch about their husbands or significant others, because I had a few minor irritations I wanted to get off my chest. Hell, I even prefaced my complaints with "he is a wonderful person and a wonderful husband and I love him without reservation." A few others readily joined in, and I'm sure they, too, love their spouses and just wanted to vent some petty frustrations. Let's face it--if you spend enough time with another person, they're going to eventually do something that makes you want to slap them.
Well, one of the boardees got married this summer--to a career military. Currently serving his second tour in Iraq. I knew what she was going to say even before she said it. What I didn't expect was that someone would finally call her on it.
The caller-outer said what many of us have been thinking for a long time. We get it. We understand your husband is out there and it sucks. You're right, most of us don't know what you're going through.
But everyone's got problems.
There are women on the board who have been trying--unsuccessfully--to conceive, and they don't flip out every time someone else on the board announces a pregnancy. There are women who are single, and they don't accuse those of us who are married of being ingrates for pointing out when our spouses leave their socks on the floor (again). There are women (like myself) who feel a nice sharp stab whenever someone else posts about their great kid's accolades from school, but I don't blast them for it. And though I admit to reading posts about $500 purses and thinking "must be nice," I would never go on line just to jump someone's ass for flaunting her money. And if I did, I would know deep down that the problem wasn't the money-flaunter or the great-kid-haver or the happily married--I would know that the problem was really with me, and my own unhappiness and disappointment in my situation. And that other people shutting the fuck up wouldn't do a damn thing to make anything better.
So maybe we all need to shut the fuck up and understand that everyone's life is different, and even the people who look like they have it all may really not. The people who claim to be ridiculously happy may truly be--or they may just be ashamed of how completely miserable they are in spite of the things they have. Money doesn't buy a good marriage. A good marriage doesn't pay the gas bill. We love our children, but sometimes they really piss us off. It's nice to have extended family, unless they make you want to kill yourself.
But keep everything bottled up so you don't offend anyone? Ludicrous. We tried that in the 50s, remember? Look where that got us--hooked on Valium and crazy. No, thanks.
So if someone starts pissing and moaning about something that's bugging them--unless it's a bad habit they have that needs addressing--shut the fuck up and just let them piss and moan. That's what friends do.
posted by Mitzi Green at 3:56 PM
8 Comments:
Great, great point. You really should be getting paid for doing this, yo.
thanks, jd--you can make that check out to... ;)
i only wish someone would pay to listen to me ramble on about nothing...
You put a book out, I'll buy it!
I really enjoy your perspective on things.
Look, if that dude(Andrew Sullivan)from TIME magazine can publish a book based mostly upon his blog and the musings therof, you could do the same.
Of course, he is from Britain, has an Oxford education, and reads books that would put you and me to freakin' sl-izz-eep. Oakeshott? Who IS this guy? But somehow, he makes it make sense. And he's a gay Republican. Figure THAT one out!
john
It's like I always say - what is one person's biggest problem, another person thinks is totally stupid.
Today was just....eh. I'm over it all. What happened to the days when we could post about anything we damn well pleased without someone's panties getting in a wad?
Sign me crabby.
Here, here. I know there are times when people are bitching about something, and my little internal eyebrow goes up..."THAT'S what you have to bitch about?" But it stays internal b/c usually there's a whole lot more going on, whether they tell me or not is their business, but I wouldn't want to make them think I was some ass hole who wouldn't listen because I couldn't even handle the light stuff, yuh know?
I'm sure people often have the same reaction to my bitching anyway. Because, DAMN, can I ramble on about nothing for hours! :)
Mitzi - good, honest post. I would expect nothing else from you.
Yaahhhh budddyyy.....Right on!
Post a Comment
<< Home