Perspective
I received your email of 5/8 and will comply with the court order that states your mother’s day visitation begins on Saturday at 6 p.m. I will disregard your email of 5/5 where you stated that you were expecting to pick Bob up on Sunday, May 11 at 9 a.m.
My intention is to follow the court order, regardless of the fact that you do not. I follow the court order because that is what the court has deemed to be in the best interest of Bob. While it has always been my hope and desire that you follow it too, it has been my experience that you do what you please without regard to Bob or me.
I try to understand why you feel it necessary to perjure yourself, only in that you have been able to get away with it for the past three years. I know that you know that I am not willing to affect Bob adversely in any way. I have missed out on many visitations that I was entitled to. I have accommodated you in ways that most are not willing to do. As a result our son has been hospitalized twice, has suffered the consequences of being suspended not only from many pre-schools but from public elementary school.
My primary focus is on Bob and his well being. You are not my judge, you are his mother and as his mother it is my expectation that you allow me to be his father within the parameters that the court has set forth.
I suspect that in your heart you feel you are doing what you feel is best for Bob. Quite frankly, his behavior over the past 3 years is a testament to your extreme disregard of Bob and your insistence of ensuring that I be disregarded in his life.
As the treating physician told us, if things don’t change, by the time Bob is a teenager there is little hope of him functioning as a productive member of society.
I urge you to put your hostility for me aside and allow Bob to enjoy what little is left of his impressionable years. That is your choice. As an adult, I have no choice but to deal with and accommodate you. As a six-year old, Bob does not have that luxury, he only gets to deal with feelings that he does not understand except to act out in inappropriate ways.
What I do know is that I will never give up on Bob. I will fight to my death to be involved in his life as his father. I love him that much.
When I receive emailed diatribes like this in my in-box, it's sometimes hard, particularly in the face of recent events, to not question myself. It's hard not to wonder, my God, is he right? Which one of us is crazy? It's hard not to second-guess everything that I do, everything that I've done, all in the name of protecting my kid--was it really? Has Bob truly been my primary focus, or have I really, as he says, just been playing the game I've been accusing db of playing?
Then something happens. Something as simple as, say, driving Bob to school on a rainy Friday spring morning. Watching him gather his backpack and umbrella, and tell me his goal for the day is "to follow directions real good and have another ten smiley day." Then he kisses me, says "I love you," and gets out of the car. I watch him trot up the sidewalk in his yellow Spongebob raincoat, carrying his yellow duck umbrella, and see him stop halfway up the walk to turn and blow me another kiss.
And I realize all the second guessing, all the doubt--it's just residuals. The unfortunate byproduct of having been stuck in a bad place with a sadist for several years. When you spend that much time being told everything you think, say, and do is wrong, it takes a very long time to fully stop believing it.
I'm doing the right thing. Good thing there's a short person in a yellow raincoat with a duck umbrella to remind me when I need reminding.
My intention is to follow the court order, regardless of the fact that you do not. I follow the court order because that is what the court has deemed to be in the best interest of Bob. While it has always been my hope and desire that you follow it too, it has been my experience that you do what you please without regard to Bob or me.
I try to understand why you feel it necessary to perjure yourself, only in that you have been able to get away with it for the past three years. I know that you know that I am not willing to affect Bob adversely in any way. I have missed out on many visitations that I was entitled to. I have accommodated you in ways that most are not willing to do. As a result our son has been hospitalized twice, has suffered the consequences of being suspended not only from many pre-schools but from public elementary school.
My primary focus is on Bob and his well being. You are not my judge, you are his mother and as his mother it is my expectation that you allow me to be his father within the parameters that the court has set forth.
I suspect that in your heart you feel you are doing what you feel is best for Bob. Quite frankly, his behavior over the past 3 years is a testament to your extreme disregard of Bob and your insistence of ensuring that I be disregarded in his life.
As the treating physician told us, if things don’t change, by the time Bob is a teenager there is little hope of him functioning as a productive member of society.
I urge you to put your hostility for me aside and allow Bob to enjoy what little is left of his impressionable years. That is your choice. As an adult, I have no choice but to deal with and accommodate you. As a six-year old, Bob does not have that luxury, he only gets to deal with feelings that he does not understand except to act out in inappropriate ways.
What I do know is that I will never give up on Bob. I will fight to my death to be involved in his life as his father. I love him that much.
When I receive emailed diatribes like this in my in-box, it's sometimes hard, particularly in the face of recent events, to not question myself. It's hard not to wonder, my God, is he right? Which one of us is crazy? It's hard not to second-guess everything that I do, everything that I've done, all in the name of protecting my kid--was it really? Has Bob truly been my primary focus, or have I really, as he says, just been playing the game I've been accusing db of playing?
Then something happens. Something as simple as, say, driving Bob to school on a rainy Friday spring morning. Watching him gather his backpack and umbrella, and tell me his goal for the day is "to follow directions real good and have another ten smiley day." Then he kisses me, says "I love you," and gets out of the car. I watch him trot up the sidewalk in his yellow Spongebob raincoat, carrying his yellow duck umbrella, and see him stop halfway up the walk to turn and blow me another kiss.
And I realize all the second guessing, all the doubt--it's just residuals. The unfortunate byproduct of having been stuck in a bad place with a sadist for several years. When you spend that much time being told everything you think, say, and do is wrong, it takes a very long time to fully stop believing it.
I'm doing the right thing. Good thing there's a short person in a yellow raincoat with a duck umbrella to remind me when I need reminding.
posted by Mitzi Green at 7:46 AM
3 Comments:
You are doing a great job! You put your sons well-being above all else. Hope he loses visitation, at least for the time being, it seems to me that he tries to destroy all the steps forward that you take on behalf of your son.
Hope all is going well...I take it he got his weekend visitation???
Take care and keep "nesting" the baby will be here before you know it!
JOanie
You're doing a great job.
Really, truly!
You ARE doing the right thing. YOU are doing what is in Bob's best interest. That email was not written by db and it's out there to just hurt you. I'm glad the little boy in the Sponge Bob raincoat was able to show that to you.
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