Those Things Which Are Certain
In my never-ending attempt to take other people's personal trauma and make it all about me, I offer you this post.
You know how you find something out and it just makes you feel wierd and discombobulated all day?
About five years ago, my then-best-friend M and her girlfriend/wife/partner/whatever, A, moved to Florida. Not only was I insanely jealous, I was very sad to see them go, because I knew our friendship wouldn't be the same from that distance. And I was right. Our correspondence has dwindled dramatically over the past few years, and I'm not bitter about it--it happens when you're married with children and living in the same state. When you live in different time zones, it's inevitable.
I last saw M and A in the summer of 2003 when I flew out for a visit. M was knocked up with their daughter and suffering horrific morning sickness. A was having trouble with MS, which she was diagnosed with in roughly 2000. Suffice to say they were No Damn Fun, but I enjoyed their hospitality all the same.
I heard from M a few months ago. She told me she and A were splitting up and that she hoped she'd be able to afford to stay in their house, the only home their child had ever known. I didn't get any details, but I felt bad for her, and especially for their daughter.
Today, I emailed M out of the blue, something snotty about how she never calls, she never writes. She sent me a brief reply, that I would feel "remarkably bad" when I talked to her, and asking for my number.
My first thought was that A is suing her for custody. After all, that's been the primary source of my woes for the past several years--if anything could make someone feel "remarkably bad," that would do it. So I let my fingers do the walking.
Most people don't realize that their "private" information is a lot more public than they know. If your name is mentioned in a court proceeding, and I know what court, chances are pretty good I can find out about it from the comfort of my own office. Which is how I discovered A was involved in pending litigation stemming from a traffic accident. And how I saw the docket sheet, with the last entry being made by A's attorney last week. Which is how I knew A's attorney just filed a notice of suggestion of death.
And I know what that means.
So I searched the obits, and there it was. A died last month, 10 days before Christmas, a little more than a month after their child turned 4.
Holy. Shit.
I feel so bad for M, but especially for that little girl.
And I wonder how it comes to be that a woman who was a capable and devoted parent can just die like that, when assholes like db live on. And on. And on.
Unbelievable.
You know how you find something out and it just makes you feel wierd and discombobulated all day?
About five years ago, my then-best-friend M and her girlfriend/wife/partner/whatever, A, moved to Florida. Not only was I insanely jealous, I was very sad to see them go, because I knew our friendship wouldn't be the same from that distance. And I was right. Our correspondence has dwindled dramatically over the past few years, and I'm not bitter about it--it happens when you're married with children and living in the same state. When you live in different time zones, it's inevitable.
I last saw M and A in the summer of 2003 when I flew out for a visit. M was knocked up with their daughter and suffering horrific morning sickness. A was having trouble with MS, which she was diagnosed with in roughly 2000. Suffice to say they were No Damn Fun, but I enjoyed their hospitality all the same.
I heard from M a few months ago. She told me she and A were splitting up and that she hoped she'd be able to afford to stay in their house, the only home their child had ever known. I didn't get any details, but I felt bad for her, and especially for their daughter.
Today, I emailed M out of the blue, something snotty about how she never calls, she never writes. She sent me a brief reply, that I would feel "remarkably bad" when I talked to her, and asking for my number.
My first thought was that A is suing her for custody. After all, that's been the primary source of my woes for the past several years--if anything could make someone feel "remarkably bad," that would do it. So I let my fingers do the walking.
Most people don't realize that their "private" information is a lot more public than they know. If your name is mentioned in a court proceeding, and I know what court, chances are pretty good I can find out about it from the comfort of my own office. Which is how I discovered A was involved in pending litigation stemming from a traffic accident. And how I saw the docket sheet, with the last entry being made by A's attorney last week. Which is how I knew A's attorney just filed a notice of suggestion of death.
And I know what that means.
So I searched the obits, and there it was. A died last month, 10 days before Christmas, a little more than a month after their child turned 4.
Holy. Shit.
I feel so bad for M, but especially for that little girl.
And I wonder how it comes to be that a woman who was a capable and devoted parent can just die like that, when assholes like db live on. And on. And on.
Unbelievable.
posted by Mitzi Green at 12:50 PM
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