Stupid Is as Stupid Does
So we went to court yesterday. Ben and I got there stupidly early--and realized it wasn't an actual trial setting, it was yet another fucking cattle call. Ugh. So we took a spot along the wall and settled in. Bossman got there about 15 minutes after us, and was pretty quickly pounced on by a dude I'll refer to as SuperLawyer. You know the type--full-length camel wool coat, Bluetooth glued to his ear, file in hand, prancing around so everyone knows better than to mistake him from a mere mortal, watched a few too many episodes of L.A. Law. Yeah. That guy.
Anyway, SuperLawyer is apparently db's new attorney, hired to represent him in this and the pending criminal matter. Fan-fucking-tastic. I'm sure he paid at least $1000 retainer to this tool. Which is money that would have been, in my humble opinion, much better spent on, say, child support, or past-due child support, or even clothes and shoes for the minor child in question (rather than sending said child back to my house wearing shit that's 3 sizes and 3 years old). But I digress.
SuperLawyer pounced on Bossman to ask if we could "work something out." He drops the ex partes, and in return, I just happen to forget to show for next week's hearing on the criminal charges. Scratch my back, I'll scratch yours. Quid pro quo.
Um...fuck no. And then Bossman explained to SuperLawyer why, exactly, there would be no deal. I'm not sure what of our cards he showed, but SuperLawyer admitted he was going to get the matter continued yet again by filing for a change of judge, in accordance with his client's wishes, which are basically to put this matter off until after the criminal case is heard. (I guess so he can have it hanging over my head in the hopes I'll back down.) SuperLawyer also told Bossman that he could assure him he would have the ex partes dropped before we were due back in court. Meaning either he doesn't know his client very well and thinks he can talk him into dropping them, or he'll withdraw in the event db refuses to drop them. We'll see. I've been "assured" things by plenty of asshole lawyers who represent assholes like db. So I'm not going to hold my breath this time.
And I'm not backing down, either. Because I truly believe part of the reason no one takes this shit seriously is because too many women take the bait. Too many women don't want the drama or the hassle or the legal fees. Too many women truly believe "maybe this time he'll be grateful and shape up." Too many women fall for the bullying. Too many women just forget to show up for the hearing, and the criminal charges are dismissed. And then the next time the asshole in question harrasses them or hits them or worse, the powers that be are like, "well, gee whiz, Chicken Little--last time we filed charges on this guy, you backed down. So why should we file charges this time?" And I flat out refuse to contribute to that bullshit. Any more than I already have.
So next Wednesday, I'll be at the muni court, where I'm sure db's SuperLawyer will request a continuance. And I'm sure this whole bullshit mess will drag out for another several months, just like the last time. (I filed the police report in 11/05, he finally plea bargained and was sentenced in 4/06.)
At any rate, the whole thing is just so incredibly fucking stupid, I can't stand it. It'd be damned funny if it were happening to someone else.
Bob will be home tonight for the first time all week. I picked him up Tuesday evening, and then he was back at db's yesterday from 4-8. I picked him up last night and I realized how obvious it is who he's been hanging out with lately. He wasn't flat out nasty or hateful, but just had this overall attitude of "fuck you, I'm the shit, I hate everything and everybody, and I'm better than everyone else." Just. Like. db.
So thank the Goddess after this weekend is over, we're back to the regular, non-fucked-up-holiday schedule, and Bob will be spending less time with db and more time being reprogrammed to normal by us.
Anyway, SuperLawyer is apparently db's new attorney, hired to represent him in this and the pending criminal matter. Fan-fucking-tastic. I'm sure he paid at least $1000 retainer to this tool. Which is money that would have been, in my humble opinion, much better spent on, say, child support, or past-due child support, or even clothes and shoes for the minor child in question (rather than sending said child back to my house wearing shit that's 3 sizes and 3 years old). But I digress.
SuperLawyer pounced on Bossman to ask if we could "work something out." He drops the ex partes, and in return, I just happen to forget to show for next week's hearing on the criminal charges. Scratch my back, I'll scratch yours. Quid pro quo.
Um...fuck no. And then Bossman explained to SuperLawyer why, exactly, there would be no deal. I'm not sure what of our cards he showed, but SuperLawyer admitted he was going to get the matter continued yet again by filing for a change of judge, in accordance with his client's wishes, which are basically to put this matter off until after the criminal case is heard. (I guess so he can have it hanging over my head in the hopes I'll back down.) SuperLawyer also told Bossman that he could assure him he would have the ex partes dropped before we were due back in court. Meaning either he doesn't know his client very well and thinks he can talk him into dropping them, or he'll withdraw in the event db refuses to drop them. We'll see. I've been "assured" things by plenty of asshole lawyers who represent assholes like db. So I'm not going to hold my breath this time.
And I'm not backing down, either. Because I truly believe part of the reason no one takes this shit seriously is because too many women take the bait. Too many women don't want the drama or the hassle or the legal fees. Too many women truly believe "maybe this time he'll be grateful and shape up." Too many women fall for the bullying. Too many women just forget to show up for the hearing, and the criminal charges are dismissed. And then the next time the asshole in question harrasses them or hits them or worse, the powers that be are like, "well, gee whiz, Chicken Little--last time we filed charges on this guy, you backed down. So why should we file charges this time?" And I flat out refuse to contribute to that bullshit. Any more than I already have.
So next Wednesday, I'll be at the muni court, where I'm sure db's SuperLawyer will request a continuance. And I'm sure this whole bullshit mess will drag out for another several months, just like the last time. (I filed the police report in 11/05, he finally plea bargained and was sentenced in 4/06.)
At any rate, the whole thing is just so incredibly fucking stupid, I can't stand it. It'd be damned funny if it were happening to someone else.
Bob will be home tonight for the first time all week. I picked him up Tuesday evening, and then he was back at db's yesterday from 4-8. I picked him up last night and I realized how obvious it is who he's been hanging out with lately. He wasn't flat out nasty or hateful, but just had this overall attitude of "fuck you, I'm the shit, I hate everything and everybody, and I'm better than everyone else." Just. Like. db.
So thank the Goddess after this weekend is over, we're back to the regular, non-fucked-up-holiday schedule, and Bob will be spending less time with db and more time being reprogrammed to normal by us.
posted by Mitzi Green at 1:31 PM
2 Comments:
Good for you seeing this through and glad Bob's home for a good chunk of time with you guys.
You hang in there.
Stick to your guns, show up and don't back down. It's true what you say, many others try to change so that there's less drama and less money flowing out to attys, etc, but as you said, when his true colors shine through (AGAIN), those in the power position do look at history and if she gave in once, she knew what she was getting herself into.
I too will be glad for the norm (much that it is) returns.
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