Much Ado About...Everything
I have a call in to a local children's psychiatric hospital about admitting Bob on the acute-care unit in the very near future.
Things have been gradually getting worse over the past couple of weeks. The last time I picked him up from db, he was a snarling, angry, hateful little boy who kept talking about his dad going to jail and it being my fault, and he was going to hit me in the stomach for it. He started repeating the same annoying sound over and over again and when I asked him to stop, he gave me a mean laugh and said "my daddy told me to do that." And so on and so forth.
The weekend was rough. He spent a good part of it sitting on the stairs in time out for one transgression or another. He frequently growled and yelled "I hate the world!" and "I hate all humans!" and "all mommies should shut up and go away!"
Yesterday, I got a call from the school principal at noon. Bob was being suspended for the day for his behavior. When I went to pick him up, he was pacing the office like a caged animal. He refused to come with me. It took both of us to bodily remove him from the school and get him into my car. I then had to sit there and physically hold him in his seat for 45 minutes to keep him from getting out of the car and running off. He kicked me, tried to bite me, and slapped me (hard) across the face. I took him to my office where he snarled at me until Ben came to get him and take him home.
Today, he said he was ready to go back to school. I was optimistic. We met with the principal and he apologized and said he was ready to do better. I emailed his teacher around 1:00 and found out today hasn't been much better, and the other kids in his class are starting to be afraid of him. I suggested he not go to art class (he and the very pregnant teacher don't mesh) and got a reply back that he'd slapped another kid in the face and was now sitting in the office, and she doubted very much he'd be going to art.
I don't know what else to do. Therapy hasn't helped. The courts haven't helped (because they're not willing to step up, admit what the real problem is, and address it). Psychiatry hasn't helped, because you can't spend 10 minutes a month asking a kid how he feels on his medicine and expect to get the whole picture. There's only so much Ben and I can do, because in Bob's mind, we're part of the problem. And he simply cannot be allowed to go on this way, or he'll end up kicked out of school for good and sitting in juvie.
Which is why today I made the call.
I emailed db about my recommendation, and haven't heard back yet, but I'm sure it's going to start a major shit storm. And frankly, I couldn't give a shit less at this point. He's the one I hold fully responsible for this bullshit in the first place. Bob started off the school year in great form and was one of the top students in his grade until db started being a huge dickhead again at the end of October. Coincidence? Oh, I don't think so.
Besides, the thought of taking my baby somewhere and leaving him, even if only for an overnight or a few days...Jesus. It's killing me.
The principal was very supportive when we talked this morning. She told me, essentially, to hell with db, I have to act for Bob. And that's absolutely right. She also said I need to think about Moosebaby. Which I do, but that makes me feel worse--like I'm forsaking one child for the other. I'm not--or am I? How can I protect them both?
I swear, if db's sentence is overturned for whatever reason at his appeal hearing, I think that will be the thing that finally sends me over the edge. Then maybe Bob and I can get rooms on the same floor.
Things have been gradually getting worse over the past couple of weeks. The last time I picked him up from db, he was a snarling, angry, hateful little boy who kept talking about his dad going to jail and it being my fault, and he was going to hit me in the stomach for it. He started repeating the same annoying sound over and over again and when I asked him to stop, he gave me a mean laugh and said "my daddy told me to do that." And so on and so forth.
The weekend was rough. He spent a good part of it sitting on the stairs in time out for one transgression or another. He frequently growled and yelled "I hate the world!" and "I hate all humans!" and "all mommies should shut up and go away!"
Yesterday, I got a call from the school principal at noon. Bob was being suspended for the day for his behavior. When I went to pick him up, he was pacing the office like a caged animal. He refused to come with me. It took both of us to bodily remove him from the school and get him into my car. I then had to sit there and physically hold him in his seat for 45 minutes to keep him from getting out of the car and running off. He kicked me, tried to bite me, and slapped me (hard) across the face. I took him to my office where he snarled at me until Ben came to get him and take him home.
Today, he said he was ready to go back to school. I was optimistic. We met with the principal and he apologized and said he was ready to do better. I emailed his teacher around 1:00 and found out today hasn't been much better, and the other kids in his class are starting to be afraid of him. I suggested he not go to art class (he and the very pregnant teacher don't mesh) and got a reply back that he'd slapped another kid in the face and was now sitting in the office, and she doubted very much he'd be going to art.
I don't know what else to do. Therapy hasn't helped. The courts haven't helped (because they're not willing to step up, admit what the real problem is, and address it). Psychiatry hasn't helped, because you can't spend 10 minutes a month asking a kid how he feels on his medicine and expect to get the whole picture. There's only so much Ben and I can do, because in Bob's mind, we're part of the problem. And he simply cannot be allowed to go on this way, or he'll end up kicked out of school for good and sitting in juvie.
Which is why today I made the call.
I emailed db about my recommendation, and haven't heard back yet, but I'm sure it's going to start a major shit storm. And frankly, I couldn't give a shit less at this point. He's the one I hold fully responsible for this bullshit in the first place. Bob started off the school year in great form and was one of the top students in his grade until db started being a huge dickhead again at the end of October. Coincidence? Oh, I don't think so.
Besides, the thought of taking my baby somewhere and leaving him, even if only for an overnight or a few days...Jesus. It's killing me.
The principal was very supportive when we talked this morning. She told me, essentially, to hell with db, I have to act for Bob. And that's absolutely right. She also said I need to think about Moosebaby. Which I do, but that makes me feel worse--like I'm forsaking one child for the other. I'm not--or am I? How can I protect them both?
I swear, if db's sentence is overturned for whatever reason at his appeal hearing, I think that will be the thing that finally sends me over the edge. Then maybe Bob and I can get rooms on the same floor.
posted by Mitzi Green at 12:48 PM
5 Comments:
Mitzi ... keep the faith. The easy decisions are not the right ones and the right ones are always so difficult. The principal is correct, Bob's behavior is spirally exponentially, it's possible that db is not medicating Bob at all, along with feeding him propoganda at every turn he can. The poor boy is lashing out at the one person who loves him unconditionally - and even though that love will always be there, you still hurt, actions and words will always hurt.
In the end, you have sole custody, right? Db has visitation only - you are the one dealing with day to day drama and the shitstorm that comes after a db visit, in order to get things under control - perhaps a more agressive approach is needed.
My heart goes out to you and deep down, I'm sure Bob's saying what he's saying to you because he can't say those things to his bio dad. Can you only imagine if you pitted the little soul against db as db has done against you - it's not something you'd do for it's not in Bob's best interest - it's as simple as that.
Seems to me that db is using his own son to get to you and to punish you. Too bad it's his son that is suffering the consequences.
Sending you positive thoughts and prayers. You are one tough lady!
Marcia stated so eloquently what I feel. I am there for you emotionally if you need me. You have a lot of people supporting you spiritually if not in person.
Marcia said it best, this isn't easy but it is what Bob needs. I'm thinking of you today and hoping that this will be the first step in helping Bob and your family.
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