I Need Help
I need to figure out how to deal with Bob.
Obviously, db went on the warpath beginning in October when the modification judgment came down. Now that he's facing jail time, things have gotten exponentially worse. He's feeding Bob all manner of bullshit both on the phone and in person--basically, everything that sucks in the world is my fault and Ben's, including the fact dear old daddy is a sad pathetic mess who will likely be spending time in the pokey soon. Hell, I'm sure he's even found a way to blame the elderly, failed-health dog's death on us.
I really don't give two shits what he says about me or Ben. What I care about is that my kid is coming home with all this anger and resentment toward us and I don't know how to counter it without coming right out and saying, "listen here, son--your father is a fucking tool who has treated Mommy terribly over the past several years, he's a lying sack of shit, and 98% of whatever he tells you can't be trusted, and whatever problems he has are HIS fault, not mine, so get off my ass." And I don't think that speech would go over so well. Nor do I think it would improve the situation.
And he's not just angry at home, either. It's spilling over into school. Teachers who don't know how to tiptoe around Bob are finding it more and more easy to send him into a rage.
I'm going to try to get him back into some kind of therapy, and I've made an appointment for him to see another psychiatrist (next month). But I don't know how the hell to deal with him in the interim. When I try to talk to him, he either shuts down entirely, or launches into "I'm not listening" mode. I never really feel like we've made any progress in our communication. And I don't see how we can when Fun Daddy is doing everything in his power to paint me as some sort of monster.
So consider this my official waving of the white flag. I give up. I don't know what to do anymore. And if anyone has been there, done that, or knows someone who has, please--send me your suggestions. If you don't want to post them here, shoot me an email. I probably won't have anything to leave you in my will, but I will be eternally grateful.
Obviously, db went on the warpath beginning in October when the modification judgment came down. Now that he's facing jail time, things have gotten exponentially worse. He's feeding Bob all manner of bullshit both on the phone and in person--basically, everything that sucks in the world is my fault and Ben's, including the fact dear old daddy is a sad pathetic mess who will likely be spending time in the pokey soon. Hell, I'm sure he's even found a way to blame the elderly, failed-health dog's death on us.
I really don't give two shits what he says about me or Ben. What I care about is that my kid is coming home with all this anger and resentment toward us and I don't know how to counter it without coming right out and saying, "listen here, son--your father is a fucking tool who has treated Mommy terribly over the past several years, he's a lying sack of shit, and 98% of whatever he tells you can't be trusted, and whatever problems he has are HIS fault, not mine, so get off my ass." And I don't think that speech would go over so well. Nor do I think it would improve the situation.
And he's not just angry at home, either. It's spilling over into school. Teachers who don't know how to tiptoe around Bob are finding it more and more easy to send him into a rage.
I'm going to try to get him back into some kind of therapy, and I've made an appointment for him to see another psychiatrist (next month). But I don't know how the hell to deal with him in the interim. When I try to talk to him, he either shuts down entirely, or launches into "I'm not listening" mode. I never really feel like we've made any progress in our communication. And I don't see how we can when Fun Daddy is doing everything in his power to paint me as some sort of monster.
So consider this my official waving of the white flag. I give up. I don't know what to do anymore. And if anyone has been there, done that, or knows someone who has, please--send me your suggestions. If you don't want to post them here, shoot me an email. I probably won't have anything to leave you in my will, but I will be eternally grateful.
posted by Mitzi Green at 8:01 AM
2 Comments:
I went through this situation when my daugher was 7. I took her away from her db father. The custody battle was messy but I did get almost sole custody. He had a few hours on a Sunday which lasted all of two weeks before he stopped seeing her. Eventually, she wanted no part of him anymore. The fact that he sort of turned his back on her was the answer to my prayers. I know this isn't exactly your situation. I just don't know what to tell you, either.
I am so sorry about what you have been going thru, I hope things get better soon.
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