The Throbbing...O, The Throbbing...
I broke my toe last night.
Not just any toe, mind you--my pinky toe on my right foot. I was sitting on Ben's couch, took a sip of Diet Pepsi (my drug of choice), and dribbled it down the front of the dress I was wearing. And it was cold. So I got up and crossed the room to grab the roll of paper towels sitting on Ben's desk. On my way, my pinky toe decided to part company with the rest of my foot around one leg of Ben's loveseat. The crack of bone splintering was audible to both of us. So was the sound of the rest of my body collapsing to the floor. So was the wail of pain that escaped me shortly thereafter.
I think I'll be wearing flip flops for quite a while. Thank the Goddess it's summer or I'd look ridiculous limping around in my flip flops like some beach bum version of the Elephant Man. My toe looks rather elephant-mannish. It's swelled up about twice its normal size and is varying shades of purple. And it's throbbing. Boy, is it throbbing. I never noticed just how often I move my toes independently of one another until this morning. Driving home, every time I'd move my foot from one pedal to the other, that toe would (try to) move. OW. Every time I take a step down, that toe (tries to) move. OW.
And I'm supposed to re-join our firm's softball team (after a presumed absence this season) on Monday. DAMMIT. I wonder if I'll be granted the "hustle award" if I just tape it up and run bases in excruciating pain?
New info on the idiot ass ex front. He called me last night and started making threats--"you want a fight, I'll give you a fight," blah blah blah. I decided to see what information he's been getting and from whom. So I logged into his internet email account because, at some point in the past, he gave me his password. Dumbass. Turns out he's been emailing pretty hot and heavy with a woman who's son was in our son's preschool class at his last school--and she's MARRIED. there's no evidence they've actually hooked up or not, but he sounds like a horny high school boy and she sure as shit seems to be enjoying the exchange, as it's been going since freakin' February.
Now, don't get me wrong here--I could give a flying fuck who he screws or pathetically attempts to screw (whichever the case). But there are two issues here--first and foremost, the fact he's threatened to call MY morality into question before the court because I'm planning to move in with a man who has made it clear he intends to marry me in the not-so-distant future--all the while begging to orally pleasure a married woman. THAT pisses me off. Second, the emails begin about the same time our problems with that preschool began--and she mentions in one email the school security guard commenting to her about "people stealing other men's women" or something and asked if he'd said anything to anyone at the school about them. Leading me to wonder if the school found out my dumbass ex was sniffing asses on the playground and decided they needed to get rid of our happy little dysfunctional family once and for all. Which seriously pisses me off.
So yes, I spent the morning printing off emails. Let me know if you'd like a copy. I plan to make several.
Ben's not working tonight, but I figured since this is my first night with El Nino since his 2 days with you-know-what, the de-programming might go easier if it was just the boy and i alone tonight. Luckily Ben is an intelligent man and understands the situation, so he's made plans to hang with one of his friends until El Nino goes to bed for the night.
Have I mentioned how wonderful he is and how truly grateful I am to have found him? I have? Fuck you, this is my blog, I reserve the right to be redundant and stupid.
I have managed to do absolutely nothing today. Work-wise, that is. I got here around 8:30 and started printing my ex's emails to his married lady friend. That took a good hour and a half. Then I checked my own email. Then out of an abundance of caution I deleted my yahoo account--just in case. Then I took an early lunch to hit the DMV and renew my tags. That took about 15 minutes including drive time. There's a DMV office in northtown right in the middle of a Petco store. Don't ask, I just go there because it's usually pretty empty, and I can look at small colorful birds while I'm waiting. Slapped those stickers on my license plates and stopped at the bank to deposit my cafeteria plan check. Then stopped at Sonic, where I sat in line at the drive-thru longer than I spent at the DMV. That's just wrong. Since eating my lunch, I have filed one document with the court, responded to two work-related emails, and done nothing else. I AM employee of the year.
Oh, yeah--I did limp my broken-toe-having ass down to the copy room to raid the drug cabinet for ibuprofen. And still it throbs.
Maybe now I'll limp downstairs for a cigarette.
Not just any toe, mind you--my pinky toe on my right foot. I was sitting on Ben's couch, took a sip of Diet Pepsi (my drug of choice), and dribbled it down the front of the dress I was wearing. And it was cold. So I got up and crossed the room to grab the roll of paper towels sitting on Ben's desk. On my way, my pinky toe decided to part company with the rest of my foot around one leg of Ben's loveseat. The crack of bone splintering was audible to both of us. So was the sound of the rest of my body collapsing to the floor. So was the wail of pain that escaped me shortly thereafter.
I think I'll be wearing flip flops for quite a while. Thank the Goddess it's summer or I'd look ridiculous limping around in my flip flops like some beach bum version of the Elephant Man. My toe looks rather elephant-mannish. It's swelled up about twice its normal size and is varying shades of purple. And it's throbbing. Boy, is it throbbing. I never noticed just how often I move my toes independently of one another until this morning. Driving home, every time I'd move my foot from one pedal to the other, that toe would (try to) move. OW. Every time I take a step down, that toe (tries to) move. OW.
And I'm supposed to re-join our firm's softball team (after a presumed absence this season) on Monday. DAMMIT. I wonder if I'll be granted the "hustle award" if I just tape it up and run bases in excruciating pain?
New info on the idiot ass ex front. He called me last night and started making threats--"you want a fight, I'll give you a fight," blah blah blah. I decided to see what information he's been getting and from whom. So I logged into his internet email account because, at some point in the past, he gave me his password. Dumbass. Turns out he's been emailing pretty hot and heavy with a woman who's son was in our son's preschool class at his last school--and she's MARRIED. there's no evidence they've actually hooked up or not, but he sounds like a horny high school boy and she sure as shit seems to be enjoying the exchange, as it's been going since freakin' February.
Now, don't get me wrong here--I could give a flying fuck who he screws or pathetically attempts to screw (whichever the case). But there are two issues here--first and foremost, the fact he's threatened to call MY morality into question before the court because I'm planning to move in with a man who has made it clear he intends to marry me in the not-so-distant future--all the while begging to orally pleasure a married woman. THAT pisses me off. Second, the emails begin about the same time our problems with that preschool began--and she mentions in one email the school security guard commenting to her about "people stealing other men's women" or something and asked if he'd said anything to anyone at the school about them. Leading me to wonder if the school found out my dumbass ex was sniffing asses on the playground and decided they needed to get rid of our happy little dysfunctional family once and for all. Which seriously pisses me off.
So yes, I spent the morning printing off emails. Let me know if you'd like a copy. I plan to make several.
Ben's not working tonight, but I figured since this is my first night with El Nino since his 2 days with you-know-what, the de-programming might go easier if it was just the boy and i alone tonight. Luckily Ben is an intelligent man and understands the situation, so he's made plans to hang with one of his friends until El Nino goes to bed for the night.
Have I mentioned how wonderful he is and how truly grateful I am to have found him? I have? Fuck you, this is my blog, I reserve the right to be redundant and stupid.
I have managed to do absolutely nothing today. Work-wise, that is. I got here around 8:30 and started printing my ex's emails to his married lady friend. That took a good hour and a half. Then I checked my own email. Then out of an abundance of caution I deleted my yahoo account--just in case. Then I took an early lunch to hit the DMV and renew my tags. That took about 15 minutes including drive time. There's a DMV office in northtown right in the middle of a Petco store. Don't ask, I just go there because it's usually pretty empty, and I can look at small colorful birds while I'm waiting. Slapped those stickers on my license plates and stopped at the bank to deposit my cafeteria plan check. Then stopped at Sonic, where I sat in line at the drive-thru longer than I spent at the DMV. That's just wrong. Since eating my lunch, I have filed one document with the court, responded to two work-related emails, and done nothing else. I AM employee of the year.
Oh, yeah--I did limp my broken-toe-having ass down to the copy room to raid the drug cabinet for ibuprofen. And still it throbs.
Maybe now I'll limp downstairs for a cigarette.
posted by Mitzi Green at 2:32 PM
3 Comments:
no, hon--i can't speak for your boyfriend, but i can tell you what my experience is. i don't love my ex. you're right, there is emotion there--but in my case, it's anger. i'm still incredibly pissed at him for all the crap he put me through. i know i need to get over it, and i think it would be a lot easier if he'd just get a clue and leave me alone. or if I'D get a clue and stop letting him get to me. i haven't figured out how to do this yet, but i think i need to do so, and fast, or i risk losing the best thing that's happened to me in a lifetime. it sucks because my ex and i were never married--so we didn't have a nice divorce to provide that formal closure, if that makes any sense. i'm kind of hoping this custody deal will do that for me, i guess.
blech. relationships can be a bitch.
i think time--and acceptance--is the only thing that can give you closure. though i have to say, when my divorce from my first (and only so far) husband was final, i DID feel some sense of "phew, thank god that's over."
wow--reading what you have to say really makes me realize that i have to let this go. i have to leave the past in the past, accept it was a jacked-up situation, and accept what i have and who i am today and tomorrow. thanks to your comments, i decided not to respond to my ex's most recent email (in which he accuses me of trying to ruin everyone's lives in my pursuit of sole legal custody--whatever). like i said to someone else about it, "it takes 2 to tango, and my dance card is full."
i can understand why you'd feel threatened. obviously if you have enough feeling toward someone to scream at them for any period of time, there's passion involved. but i wouldn't consider it a threat to your relationship. don't take this the wrong way--i don't know your bf or your situation at all--but i'd have to wonder why he's so intent on engaging her in arguments. is he afraid of losing his daughter? is he just unable to admit that relationship failed because he somehow feels responsible for that failure? sounds like he's got some unfinished business to finish on his own (don't we all).
peace, sister. :)
ugh--all too familiar, i'm afraid.
like i said before, i don't want to speculate because i'm a virtual stranger and i don't know the ins and outs of your situation--but i, too, would wonder why the 7 years without divorce. yes, it sounds like she's trying to put the screws to him (which makes me want to cut and paste portions of your message into an email to my own ex to show him how easy he's getting off) but he's preventing his own life from moving forward, and that's not healthy for anyone involved.
damn, girl--i don't know what to say.
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