Can't Live With 'Em...
What is it about spending time with my family that makes me incredibly disturbed?
I had to drive the hour from my house to my home town yesterday for my brother's future wife's wedding shower, thrown by my mother and both sisters. I wasn't involved. I wasn't asked to be. Not that I'm really bothered by that part--I live an hour away and planning something with my mom and sisters is only slightly more pleasant than, say, my last dental procedure. It was the way things unfolded after I got there that bugged me.
I was a guest. Which is how I'm feeling more and more at my family functions as the years go by.
My sisters are both bridesmaids. My niece is a flower girl. This isn't really the bride being exclusionary--originally I was supposed to be the soloist, and since I pulled my son out of my sister's wedding last year at the last minute because I didn't think he'd go through with it (and still don't), she didn't think I'd want to deal with it. The singing bit fell through because it's a Catholic wedding and the church is making them use its own wedding planner, who is picking all the music, and they didn't think my song choice was "spiritual enough," and I'm damn sure not getting up there and singing "Ave Maria." Future SIL felt really bad about making me come as just a guest, but truthfully, I'm looking forward to it. There's a lot of pressure involved in singing at someone's wedding, and it triples when it's someone you want to do a good job for, like family or friends. And with my allergies whole hog in the fall and my jaw issues, I was more than nervous about it.
But this also means I'm going to be "just another guest." Not part of the family. Not in on the secret. As usual.
I should be used to it by now, but after spending an hour and a half with them, I can't wait to get back home to my husband and son. Even if my son does "really, really, really, really, really" hate me, as he noted last night when I told him he couldn't have Pop Tarts for dinner.
In other news, db apparently came up with some money, because his cousin/lawyer filed an Entry of Appearance and motion for extension to answer on the motion to modify last week. At the last friggin' minute. DAMMIT. I don't really worry that I won't prevail on the motion whether he has an attorney or not--but dammit, it would have been nice to win on that by default. Very nice. It would be nice to have something be easy just once in this fucking drama.
Bob still won't talk to db on the phone. I went so far last Thursday night to ask him why he didn't want to talk to him, that he used to enjoy talking to him on the phone. "I just don't want to." So I dropped it. I mean, am I supposed to force him to talk to his asshole father if he doesn't want to? Especially when I know the conversations always end up leaving Bob frustrated and annoyed? I'm sure if db were capable of a typical light-hearted conversation, Bob would be more than willing to talk to him--but he has no interest in being interrogated and made to feel guilty over his father's misery. I don't blame him a bit for that. And I have a feeling db enjoys planting all kinds of crap into Bob's head. Last night, after telling me how much he really really really really really hates me, Bob told me he was going to "call the policeman and have him take you away." Um, yeah--do I believe a not-quite-5-year-old came up with that on his own? Not for a second.
Now I'm starting to get nervous because the court date for the family access motion db filed is 10/13. That's a week before I'm planning Bob's birthday party. It's about 2 weeks before Halloween. I'm worried we'll go to court and by some act of insanity the judge will decide db needs to be compensated for his lack of time spent with Bob, starting that very day. Surely that won't happen, but I've been disappointed by the family court before.
Cross your fingers.
I had to drive the hour from my house to my home town yesterday for my brother's future wife's wedding shower, thrown by my mother and both sisters. I wasn't involved. I wasn't asked to be. Not that I'm really bothered by that part--I live an hour away and planning something with my mom and sisters is only slightly more pleasant than, say, my last dental procedure. It was the way things unfolded after I got there that bugged me.
I was a guest. Which is how I'm feeling more and more at my family functions as the years go by.
My sisters are both bridesmaids. My niece is a flower girl. This isn't really the bride being exclusionary--originally I was supposed to be the soloist, and since I pulled my son out of my sister's wedding last year at the last minute because I didn't think he'd go through with it (and still don't), she didn't think I'd want to deal with it. The singing bit fell through because it's a Catholic wedding and the church is making them use its own wedding planner, who is picking all the music, and they didn't think my song choice was "spiritual enough," and I'm damn sure not getting up there and singing "Ave Maria." Future SIL felt really bad about making me come as just a guest, but truthfully, I'm looking forward to it. There's a lot of pressure involved in singing at someone's wedding, and it triples when it's someone you want to do a good job for, like family or friends. And with my allergies whole hog in the fall and my jaw issues, I was more than nervous about it.
But this also means I'm going to be "just another guest." Not part of the family. Not in on the secret. As usual.
I should be used to it by now, but after spending an hour and a half with them, I can't wait to get back home to my husband and son. Even if my son does "really, really, really, really, really" hate me, as he noted last night when I told him he couldn't have Pop Tarts for dinner.
In other news, db apparently came up with some money, because his cousin/lawyer filed an Entry of Appearance and motion for extension to answer on the motion to modify last week. At the last friggin' minute. DAMMIT. I don't really worry that I won't prevail on the motion whether he has an attorney or not--but dammit, it would have been nice to win on that by default. Very nice. It would be nice to have something be easy just once in this fucking drama.
Bob still won't talk to db on the phone. I went so far last Thursday night to ask him why he didn't want to talk to him, that he used to enjoy talking to him on the phone. "I just don't want to." So I dropped it. I mean, am I supposed to force him to talk to his asshole father if he doesn't want to? Especially when I know the conversations always end up leaving Bob frustrated and annoyed? I'm sure if db were capable of a typical light-hearted conversation, Bob would be more than willing to talk to him--but he has no interest in being interrogated and made to feel guilty over his father's misery. I don't blame him a bit for that. And I have a feeling db enjoys planting all kinds of crap into Bob's head. Last night, after telling me how much he really really really really really hates me, Bob told me he was going to "call the policeman and have him take you away." Um, yeah--do I believe a not-quite-5-year-old came up with that on his own? Not for a second.
Now I'm starting to get nervous because the court date for the family access motion db filed is 10/13. That's a week before I'm planning Bob's birthday party. It's about 2 weeks before Halloween. I'm worried we'll go to court and by some act of insanity the judge will decide db needs to be compensated for his lack of time spent with Bob, starting that very day. Surely that won't happen, but I've been disappointed by the family court before.
Cross your fingers.
posted by Mitzi Green at 1:39 PM
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