What's My Motivation?
This morning, I got up at 7:30, made my son breakfast, and watched part of "The Incredibles" with him before driving him to the community center to hand him off to his "father." The asshole not only is now not responding to my emails (which include such questions as "where can I reach Bob by phone this week" and "will he be going to preschool"), but he also did not speak to me during this morning's exchange. Not a word. Under normal circumstances, I would welcome his not talking to me, but this is stupid. Just more of his bullshit manipulation and control games.
And now I won't see my son until a week from tomorrow at the earliest. And even though he promised he'd call me, it's doubtful I'll hear from him, because I'm sure any requests to call me will be met with "what do you want to call her for?"
I miss him.
I've been trying not to feel like I'm missing a limb or something all day. But it's tough. Really tough. Ben and I ate lunch at the infamous Indian buffet, then went to his parents' house (they were at the family father's day function we skipped) and laid by the pool all day. That was nice. But I'm still almost consumed by this empty feeling that hits me every once in a while and almost chokes me. Where is he? What is he doing? Is he happy? Why isn't he here?
I'm also getting fed up as hell with my seemingly useless lawyer. I'm beginning to think I should tell him I want to close the file and get the $4k left of my retainer back, use part of that money to pay off my credit cards and some doctor bills, and the rest to pay down the loan. It would be better spent that way than this endless calling and writing and accomplishing nothing. I think the only way I'll ever be awarded sole custody is if DB goes to jail--not through any family court proceeding. Fuck you, Jackson County, and fuck you especially to one particular judge. You're lucky I don't vote in your jurisdiction, bitch.
Now I'm trying to stay awake. Ben went for a run--I'm planning to wait til after dinner if I can stay awake that long. I'm tired of being so tired. Maybe I should take vitamins.
Or sleep.
And now I won't see my son until a week from tomorrow at the earliest. And even though he promised he'd call me, it's doubtful I'll hear from him, because I'm sure any requests to call me will be met with "what do you want to call her for?"
I miss him.
I've been trying not to feel like I'm missing a limb or something all day. But it's tough. Really tough. Ben and I ate lunch at the infamous Indian buffet, then went to his parents' house (they were at the family father's day function we skipped) and laid by the pool all day. That was nice. But I'm still almost consumed by this empty feeling that hits me every once in a while and almost chokes me. Where is he? What is he doing? Is he happy? Why isn't he here?
I'm also getting fed up as hell with my seemingly useless lawyer. I'm beginning to think I should tell him I want to close the file and get the $4k left of my retainer back, use part of that money to pay off my credit cards and some doctor bills, and the rest to pay down the loan. It would be better spent that way than this endless calling and writing and accomplishing nothing. I think the only way I'll ever be awarded sole custody is if DB goes to jail--not through any family court proceeding. Fuck you, Jackson County, and fuck you especially to one particular judge. You're lucky I don't vote in your jurisdiction, bitch.
Now I'm trying to stay awake. Ben went for a run--I'm planning to wait til after dinner if I can stay awake that long. I'm tired of being so tired. Maybe I should take vitamins.
Or sleep.
posted by Mitzi Green at 5:40 PM
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