I Think Summer's Over Now
It started to snow this morning. Half rain, half snow, so I guess that would mean it started "rowing." Whatever. It's cold. And it's making me look at that space under my desk with a new-found interest. ("Hmmm...I could fit under there, and it looks damned cozy.")
Things are going well with the home daycare and El Nino. He likes it there, and hasn't (to my knowledge) attacked anyone. This is good news.
The weekend...well, it was good and bad. It started with DB going to pick up El Nino for the first time at the sitter's. She called me around 4pm and said "(El Nino) had a great day. But his father just ripped me a new one." Apparently DB decided to add her to his list of People Who Need to Be Educated About What a Lying, Cheating, Scheming Bitch I Am. All this right in front of my son and any of her neighbors who happened to be watching. I was pissed, to say the least. Exceptionally pissed.
The weekend was a good one--Ben and I really got to spend time together just being adults and not activities coordinators for El Nino. It was great to just be together and not worry about everything. By Sunday evening, we both actually felt refreshed and not like we needed another weekend to recover.
I went to the police station at 6pm to pick up El Nino from DB. True to form, he brought his pig-faced girlfriend with him. She always looks seriously uncomfortable when she's around me. Can't imagine why. I'd feel perfectly at ease standing next to my boyfriend looking into the eyes of the woman he threatened to kill recently. Anyway, he was a total ass, as expected. He slapped an envelope down on the gumball machine rather than handing it to me. It contained a check for the $240/month child support he's supposed to pay me--and it was dated DECEMBER 15. Idiot. I'm sure the bank will refuse to cash it just because he tried to post date it by a month.
As soon as we left, El Nino started acting very strange. Talking about how he didn't want to go home with me because "I don't like you, I only like Daddy." I tried to blow it off, but after the 4th or 5th time, I had to ask--"is that what Daddy said?"
"Yeah. He thinks I'm stupid."
Oh, yeah. Hella pissed.
We got home and the kid was visibly freaked out. I don't know what all he'd been spoonfed over the past 48 hours, but it obviously wasn't anything good. Ben finally took him in to play a computer game with him, and after that, he calmed down and seemed to be back to normal.
So last night, he didn't ask to talk to daddy, and I didn't initiate any calls. Fuck him. I'm tired of bending over backwards to make myself look favorable in the eyes of a judge who will never know the look on my kid's face Sunday night.
Ben and I are doing well. I'm a little worried that maybe I've been gushing too much lately--now that my brain's not preoccuppied with the latest El Nino/DB drama, I'm actually looking toward the future and our getting married and having a life together and I'm positively giddy. I'm worried I might be freaking him out. I'm sure I'm probably reading too much into things that aren't even there. I just love him so much, and I'm so incredulous that he actually wants to be with me for the long haul--it's a little overwhelming at times.
We went to lunch together today and he just seemed so quiet. But I was, too, so what does that prove? There I go, looking for drama because "normal" just seems so out of the ordinary for me.
I'm just afraid the one time I dismiss something as "nothing," it will turn out to be "something."
I'm completely insane.
I think I just have waaay too much time during the day to think about shit. New Boss told me I'd be busy. I think he overestimated my workload a bit. I've got stuff to do every day, but not enough to keep me what I would consider "busy." And this being the set up that it is, it's not like I can use my downtime to go sit in Kip's office and shoot the shit anymore, or wander over to Osco and shop for things I don't need.
Ben asked me today if I miss my old job. There are definitely things I miss--guaranteed (sort of) Xmas bonuses, paid health insurance, postage machines, file clerks, accounting departments, co-workers. But there are also things I don't miss--associates, office politics, certain co-workers, downtown in general. It's a toss-up.
I'm so freakin' tired right now and I have another 2 1/2 hours before I can go the hell home. Ugh.
Time to go check the county court's on-line case records to see if DB's bond has been set yet--cross your fingers.
Things are going well with the home daycare and El Nino. He likes it there, and hasn't (to my knowledge) attacked anyone. This is good news.
The weekend...well, it was good and bad. It started with DB going to pick up El Nino for the first time at the sitter's. She called me around 4pm and said "(El Nino) had a great day. But his father just ripped me a new one." Apparently DB decided to add her to his list of People Who Need to Be Educated About What a Lying, Cheating, Scheming Bitch I Am. All this right in front of my son and any of her neighbors who happened to be watching. I was pissed, to say the least. Exceptionally pissed.
The weekend was a good one--Ben and I really got to spend time together just being adults and not activities coordinators for El Nino. It was great to just be together and not worry about everything. By Sunday evening, we both actually felt refreshed and not like we needed another weekend to recover.
I went to the police station at 6pm to pick up El Nino from DB. True to form, he brought his pig-faced girlfriend with him. She always looks seriously uncomfortable when she's around me. Can't imagine why. I'd feel perfectly at ease standing next to my boyfriend looking into the eyes of the woman he threatened to kill recently. Anyway, he was a total ass, as expected. He slapped an envelope down on the gumball machine rather than handing it to me. It contained a check for the $240/month child support he's supposed to pay me--and it was dated DECEMBER 15. Idiot. I'm sure the bank will refuse to cash it just because he tried to post date it by a month.
As soon as we left, El Nino started acting very strange. Talking about how he didn't want to go home with me because "I don't like you, I only like Daddy." I tried to blow it off, but after the 4th or 5th time, I had to ask--"is that what Daddy said?"
"Yeah. He thinks I'm stupid."
Oh, yeah. Hella pissed.
We got home and the kid was visibly freaked out. I don't know what all he'd been spoonfed over the past 48 hours, but it obviously wasn't anything good. Ben finally took him in to play a computer game with him, and after that, he calmed down and seemed to be back to normal.
So last night, he didn't ask to talk to daddy, and I didn't initiate any calls. Fuck him. I'm tired of bending over backwards to make myself look favorable in the eyes of a judge who will never know the look on my kid's face Sunday night.
Ben and I are doing well. I'm a little worried that maybe I've been gushing too much lately--now that my brain's not preoccuppied with the latest El Nino/DB drama, I'm actually looking toward the future and our getting married and having a life together and I'm positively giddy. I'm worried I might be freaking him out. I'm sure I'm probably reading too much into things that aren't even there. I just love him so much, and I'm so incredulous that he actually wants to be with me for the long haul--it's a little overwhelming at times.
We went to lunch together today and he just seemed so quiet. But I was, too, so what does that prove? There I go, looking for drama because "normal" just seems so out of the ordinary for me.
I'm just afraid the one time I dismiss something as "nothing," it will turn out to be "something."
I'm completely insane.
I think I just have waaay too much time during the day to think about shit. New Boss told me I'd be busy. I think he overestimated my workload a bit. I've got stuff to do every day, but not enough to keep me what I would consider "busy." And this being the set up that it is, it's not like I can use my downtime to go sit in Kip's office and shoot the shit anymore, or wander over to Osco and shop for things I don't need.
Ben asked me today if I miss my old job. There are definitely things I miss--guaranteed (sort of) Xmas bonuses, paid health insurance, postage machines, file clerks, accounting departments, co-workers. But there are also things I don't miss--associates, office politics, certain co-workers, downtown in general. It's a toss-up.
I'm so freakin' tired right now and I have another 2 1/2 hours before I can go the hell home. Ugh.
Time to go check the county court's on-line case records to see if DB's bond has been set yet--cross your fingers.
posted by Mitzi Green at 2:30 PM
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