What Happened to "No More Ms. Nice Guy?"
There's something that's been really making me twitch lately. More than db, more than the Missouri family court system, more than asshole ex-landlords or public breastfeeding or small children who ask reproduction questions when I least expect it.
It's women. Specifically, women who put up with way too much bullshit from men.
Ladies, if you've been dating someone for a period of time, and he still can't refer to the two of you as "a couple," and he can't invite you to office holiday functions, and he doesn't want to introduce you to his relatives--chances are pretty goddamn good that, in the words of Greg Berendt, "he's just not that into you." It doesn't mean he needs more time, or his fragile, sensitive man ego can't handle the pressure--it means he's enjoying having sex with you, but that's as far as he really wants it to go, thanks. If you're having similar thoughts, then more power to you--but if you want more, ask for it. No, demand it. If he can't or won't or whatever give it to you, do yourself a big favor and move the fuck on. Because believe me, for every non-committal shithead out there willing to take and take and take, there's at least one dude out there who isn't terrified of relationships and wants the same damn thing you do. And you're not going to find him if you're wasting all your time coddling this idiot.
If your husband has had an annoying habit for the duration of your marriage--be it cheating on you, or calling you nasty names in public, or leaving the toilet seat up--he is not going to change. Ever. You can threaten to leave him, you can beg and plead, you can cry about how he doesn't respect your feelings--it ain't gonna work. If you've asked once, and he failed to make any concerted effort, the bottom line is, he just doesn't give a shit. So it's up to you to decide what you are and are not willing to live with. If you can handle sitting at home while he wines and dines his mistress, fine. If you can put up with emotional abuse, whatever. If you can mutter nasty things about him under your breath while putting the seat down AGAIN (as most of us do), congrats. But if you decide you can live with whatever it is, then live with it and shut the hell up. Because your friends, your co-workers, your family, we don't want to hear about how horrible he is to you if you aren't willing to do something about it. We'll support you 100% if you decide to kick his abusive cheating ass to the curb, but until then, we can't continue offering our help if you aren't going to take it seriously.
If your husband or boyfriend or whatever is an insensitive prick, don't roll your eyes and say "men." Because that's doing a huge disservice to the men out there who aren't total asshats. (Like my husband--yes, I complain about him occasionally, but the bottom line is, he's one of the good ones. I got lucky--and it took a lot of wasting my time on insensitive pricks to finally find him and see him for the wonderful creature he is.) Being an insensitive prick is not a male trait. (I can be an insensitive prick, and I don't have a penis.) Therefore, it should not be excused as something biological that is out of the individual's control. If he can't show you respect and common courtesy, kick his ass to the curb.
There are worse things in the world--much, much worse--than being alone. Yes, it sucks to go home to an empty house or apartment with take-out Chinese and CSI reruns and very little else to comfort you after a long day. But the good thing about solitude is that it's uncompromising. If you know what you want, don't settle for less just because you hate saying "I'm alone." No one will think less of you. And if they do, fuck them.
It's women. Specifically, women who put up with way too much bullshit from men.
Ladies, if you've been dating someone for a period of time, and he still can't refer to the two of you as "a couple," and he can't invite you to office holiday functions, and he doesn't want to introduce you to his relatives--chances are pretty goddamn good that, in the words of Greg Berendt, "he's just not that into you." It doesn't mean he needs more time, or his fragile, sensitive man ego can't handle the pressure--it means he's enjoying having sex with you, but that's as far as he really wants it to go, thanks. If you're having similar thoughts, then more power to you--but if you want more, ask for it. No, demand it. If he can't or won't or whatever give it to you, do yourself a big favor and move the fuck on. Because believe me, for every non-committal shithead out there willing to take and take and take, there's at least one dude out there who isn't terrified of relationships and wants the same damn thing you do. And you're not going to find him if you're wasting all your time coddling this idiot.
If your husband has had an annoying habit for the duration of your marriage--be it cheating on you, or calling you nasty names in public, or leaving the toilet seat up--he is not going to change. Ever. You can threaten to leave him, you can beg and plead, you can cry about how he doesn't respect your feelings--it ain't gonna work. If you've asked once, and he failed to make any concerted effort, the bottom line is, he just doesn't give a shit. So it's up to you to decide what you are and are not willing to live with. If you can handle sitting at home while he wines and dines his mistress, fine. If you can put up with emotional abuse, whatever. If you can mutter nasty things about him under your breath while putting the seat down AGAIN (as most of us do), congrats. But if you decide you can live with whatever it is, then live with it and shut the hell up. Because your friends, your co-workers, your family, we don't want to hear about how horrible he is to you if you aren't willing to do something about it. We'll support you 100% if you decide to kick his abusive cheating ass to the curb, but until then, we can't continue offering our help if you aren't going to take it seriously.
If your husband or boyfriend or whatever is an insensitive prick, don't roll your eyes and say "men." Because that's doing a huge disservice to the men out there who aren't total asshats. (Like my husband--yes, I complain about him occasionally, but the bottom line is, he's one of the good ones. I got lucky--and it took a lot of wasting my time on insensitive pricks to finally find him and see him for the wonderful creature he is.) Being an insensitive prick is not a male trait. (I can be an insensitive prick, and I don't have a penis.) Therefore, it should not be excused as something biological that is out of the individual's control. If he can't show you respect and common courtesy, kick his ass to the curb.
There are worse things in the world--much, much worse--than being alone. Yes, it sucks to go home to an empty house or apartment with take-out Chinese and CSI reruns and very little else to comfort you after a long day. But the good thing about solitude is that it's uncompromising. If you know what you want, don't settle for less just because you hate saying "I'm alone." No one will think less of you. And if they do, fuck them.
posted by Mitzi Green at 11:32 AM
2 Comments:
ouch.
touche!
All true.
Amen! Today you said exactly what I've been thinking lately.
I know all about being lonely - been there for almost 2 years. It sucks sometimes, yes, however it's MUCH MUCH better than putting up with someone's shit just to have a person in your life.
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