Boredom + Google = Self Revelation
I was reading Dawn's archives (because I'm bored and she's entertaining, not because I'm a stalker) and found her responses to the "(your name here) needs" Google game.
Hilarity ensues. (Note: I used my real name, but for the sake of anonymity, I'm not using it here.)
According to Google, here's what I need:
1. Mitzi needs Help!
You got that right.
2. Mitzi needs a family who will access and work with a therapist who understands the challenges ahead.
I've needed this for a long time--glad someone finally recognizes that.
3. Mitzi needs to find her way to the gate.
Yes, I do. Running into this fence over and over again is getting boring.
4. Mitzi needs to constantly "feel" the presence of God
Um...I'm an atheist.
5. Mitzi needs her coffee
A-ha! Someone out there DOES know me!
6. Mitzi needs Dylan's love in her life.
I just haven't been the same since 90210 was canceled.
7. Mitzi needs help.
Again? Okay--we get it.
8. Mitzi needs to know how to gain access, not only physically but intellectually, to this information, and to observe, reason about and criticise the ...
Blah, blah, blah.
9. Mitzi needs Technical Help, Everything's Ruined!
Did my boss post this?
10. Mitzi needs someone to talk to.
This is true, since I've lost touch with most of my friends. I need a friend. Will you be my friend? Won't you be my neighbor?
11. Mitzi needs to get her 'Ramsay' cookbook out and get practising before the inspectors call round again.
I know my cooking leaves much to be desired a good percentage of the time, but I don't see why we need to involve inspectors...
12. Mitzi needs to be in the top 60 on the LPGA money list to qualify for the Women's British Open that will take place in July.
I don't care whose money list it is, just put me on it.
13. Mitzi needs to go home NOW.
Amen to that.
14. Mitzi needs to look up to greet him.
Well, yeah, but I'm not even 5 feet tall. I have to look up to greet third-graders.
15. Mitzi needs to stop being up in the stupid north.
Hear, hear! I don't think I can take another winter.
16. Mitzi needs to be top anything
Let's start with Top Beeyotch.
17. Mitzi needs to go back to Ohio since it appears she gets along better with cows than people.
I've never been to Ohio, but I do enjoy the company of cows...
18. Mitzi needs a financial support for her study.
Hell, yeah, I do!
19. Mitzi needs some peace!
Amen twice.
20. Mitzi needs A New Smile.
Oh, come on--so my front teeth are a little...large and rabbit-like. It's not THAT bad.
21. Mitzi needs to bookmark only one URI for her transaction, regardless of the device she accesses the site from.
URI? Upper Respiratory Infection? I don't get it.
22. Mitzi needs a new swanky handbag.
You're right, I do.
23. Mitzi needs to really think about why NON-lesbians would want to see one of her lez-flics.
Hahahahahahahahahahahaha. Because they're really quite tasteful. And because they might get me in the top 60 on the LPGA money list.
You should play.
Hilarity ensues. (Note: I used my real name, but for the sake of anonymity, I'm not using it here.)
According to Google, here's what I need:
1. Mitzi needs Help!
You got that right.
2. Mitzi needs a family who will access and work with a therapist who understands the challenges ahead.
I've needed this for a long time--glad someone finally recognizes that.
3. Mitzi needs to find her way to the gate.
Yes, I do. Running into this fence over and over again is getting boring.
4. Mitzi needs to constantly "feel" the presence of God
Um...I'm an atheist.
5. Mitzi needs her coffee
A-ha! Someone out there DOES know me!
6. Mitzi needs Dylan's love in her life.
I just haven't been the same since 90210 was canceled.
7. Mitzi needs help.
Again? Okay--we get it.
8. Mitzi needs to know how to gain access, not only physically but intellectually, to this information, and to observe, reason about and criticise the ...
Blah, blah, blah.
9. Mitzi needs Technical Help, Everything's Ruined!
Did my boss post this?
10. Mitzi needs someone to talk to.
This is true, since I've lost touch with most of my friends. I need a friend. Will you be my friend? Won't you be my neighbor?
11. Mitzi needs to get her 'Ramsay' cookbook out and get practising before the inspectors call round again.
I know my cooking leaves much to be desired a good percentage of the time, but I don't see why we need to involve inspectors...
12. Mitzi needs to be in the top 60 on the LPGA money list to qualify for the Women's British Open that will take place in July.
I don't care whose money list it is, just put me on it.
13. Mitzi needs to go home NOW.
Amen to that.
14. Mitzi needs to look up to greet him.
Well, yeah, but I'm not even 5 feet tall. I have to look up to greet third-graders.
15. Mitzi needs to stop being up in the stupid north.
Hear, hear! I don't think I can take another winter.
16. Mitzi needs to be top anything
Let's start with Top Beeyotch.
17. Mitzi needs to go back to Ohio since it appears she gets along better with cows than people.
I've never been to Ohio, but I do enjoy the company of cows...
18. Mitzi needs a financial support for her study.
Hell, yeah, I do!
19. Mitzi needs some peace!
Amen twice.
20. Mitzi needs A New Smile.
Oh, come on--so my front teeth are a little...large and rabbit-like. It's not THAT bad.
21. Mitzi needs to bookmark only one URI for her transaction, regardless of the device she accesses the site from.
URI? Upper Respiratory Infection? I don't get it.
22. Mitzi needs a new swanky handbag.
You're right, I do.
23. Mitzi needs to really think about why NON-lesbians would want to see one of her lez-flics.
Hahahahahahahahahahahaha. Because they're really quite tasteful. And because they might get me in the top 60 on the LPGA money list.
You should play.
posted by Mitzi Green at 4:22 PM
1 Comments:
This was absolutely hilarious, Mitzi. My top few:
1. Teresa needs you (as in Teresa Heinz-Kerry)
2. Teresa needs help
3. Teresa needs another miracle to become a saint (as in Mother Teresa)
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